Gordon Kindness

Gordon Kindness The life and times of Gordon Kindness - a kind soul with poor bowel control
🌯 Food can be right nice or sh*te
🧩 Autism advocate
(1)

02/06/2026

They Don't Make Adverts Like This Anymore

When Peach H***h asked Gordon Kindness to make an advert, there was only ever going to be one outcome...

A glamorous woman.A park bench.A smelly finger.And absolutely no dignity whatsoever.

This one's for everyone who remembers when adverts were a bit cheeky, a bit daft and a lot more fun.

***h

22/05/2026

I didn’t even know Dunelm had a café…

Apparently the husbands all sit upstairs eating breakfast while the wives mysteriously “shop” downstairs for three hours.

Britain’s beautiful.

19/05/2026

Alice just made me a P.E.N.I.S sandwich… 😳

P = Prawn cocktailE = Emmental cheeseN = Nori crispsI = Iceberg lettuceS = Smoked salmon

Honestly… this might be one of the nicest sandwiches we’ve done so far 😭

Lovely wet P.E.N.I.S.

Would you eat this? 👀👇

15/05/2026

Big Brenda’s famous twos-up.

Burger King.KFC.Gravy wet.

This is council estate fine dining.

People in London’ll sneer at this…but they’ve never experienced true class.

God bless her. 🍗👑



12/05/2026

Went to B&Q for DIY supplies… came out with the wettest burger in Manchester 😭🍔

4 patties.4 cheeses.4 onions.4 DIFFERENT WETS.

The B&Q Bu**er Van absolutely violated Gordon Kindness.

05/05/2026

I made my own sandwich…

It’s called the “BOTTOM” sandwich 😭🔥

👉 Beef
👉 Onion chutney
👉 Tomato
👉 Traditional blue cheese
👉 Onion rings
👉 Mustard mayo

I don’t regret the name…

And it actually works 😳

Would you eat this? 👇

25/04/2026

Tried the NEW Popeyes breakfast…

I ordered a full breakfast lineup 😭🔥

👉 Breakfast roll👉 Muffin meal👉 Breakfast wrap

And honestly…

This might be the WORST fast food breakfast I’ve had 😳

Dry, no flavour… and the hash browns…

nah 😭

Would you try it? 👇

19/04/2026

Tried Slim Chickens…

Went in expecting a normal takeaway…
ended up with THIS 😭🔥

The chicken, the sauce, the chaos…

I don’t think I was ready for it.

Would you eat this? 👇



12/04/2026

Went to Greggs for breakfast…

Ordered TWO breakfasts and made the
BIGGEST Greggs sandwich possible 😭🔥

There was just one problem…

👉 THEY FORGOT THE WETS.

From there… it all went downhill 💀

This might’ve been a mistake.

Would you eat this? 👇

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Manchester

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