09/02/2022
what is grief? a cocktail of numbness, sadness, shock, guilt, denial, anger, depression and indelible pain. a cocktail of feelings unique only to you, so strong and intoxicating that they last forever. this cocktail is my grief. it is an ocean full of unknown - which often feels lonely, floating and sailing on a wide expanse of sea and i wish someone prepared us for the waves that wouldn't disappear. grief changes you everyday and a change so powerful that you will never be the same again - as you drift away into the atmosphere. you still think about the one you lost to death constantly and there's an inner void, questioning your very existence. and it affects our lives in different ways and at different times. i am not too sure if it can ever be fully mended and shouldn't be although grief is exhausting at times, because there is someone who is now living inside of you. our heart is full with them. our ongoing grief is simply that we have loved and been loved, still unconditionally do and we will never get over this loss in any simple way. love in this sense is eternal. grief doesn't need to have an endpoint, an expiry date. with this, we bear the loss that will never leave us.
