07/11/2025
OJPS PUBLIC SAFETY BULLETIN
“How to Survive a Shin Goring”
Issued: July 11, 2025
Authority: Oklahoma Jackalope Preservation Society, Field HQ #04-B
As jackalope sightings surge across Green Country, the OJPS reminds citizens and recreational hikers that shin gorings are not a myth—they’re a menace.
These highly territorial cryptids are known to strike without warning, targeting the most vulnerable human appendage: the exposed shin. The resulting trauma is not only physical, but deeply emotional, often leaving victims limping through both trail and pride.
🚫 Avoid Common Mistakes:
• Do NOT run. Jackalopes clock in at over 30mph and have something to prove.
• Do NOT refer to them as “bunnies.” They take offense.
• Do NOT attempt selfies unless you’re looking to become a cautionary tale.
✅ Do This Instead:
• Approach low and slow. Offer a respectful nod and, if available, trail mix with dried cranberries.
• Speak softly. Think NPR, not Monster Jam.
• Back away if thumping begins. Thumps mean war.
🩸 Common Impact Zones Include:
• Medial Tibia
• Self-Worth
• Your last clean pair of hiking socks
Remember, if you hear rustling in the brush and catch a glimpse of antlers just above the grassline—it may already be too late.
Report all encounters at oneweirdrabbit.com
Brought to you by the brave Rangers of the Oklahoma Jackalope Preservation Society.
“Preserve the Myth. Protect the Herd. Guard Your Shins.”
