05/30/2026
The Weight of "Yes":
I was working in the field, putting up new fencing for the cows last week and felt overwhelmed. I had just finished chores and found Provolone with her new calf. I had looked over at the yard where we normally keep all of our hay, and it is empty. I had the tractor bucket rounded with fence posts I needed to pound in, and I had to plan and prepare for 4 markets this week. The anxiety of having enough time to complete all these things and maintain any level of sanity felt too far out of reach. Something had to give.
I thought about giving up a market. Maybe 4 is too many right now. The guilt that came with that thought was thick. I do what I say I will and backing out of something I had agreed to do just felt- awful. Maybe I could work harder, or longer or faster and get it all done and still do all the markets. That did not feel like a sustainable answer. Eventually, I would need a break. Now I am back to feeling guilty for needing time and energy. This is too much!
I thought on this while doing my fencing. I thought about who was being let down if I backed out of the market and who was being let down if I tried to go. I thought about how the cows need the pasture and how people really do love our meat. I thought that if I had not signed up for this 1 extra market- I would have been able to get more things done. The more I thought about it, the more I knew. I had to back out of the Campton Market. It felt like I was disappointing people, the people that planned the market and the people who visit the market. I hated this feeling, BUT I hated the feeling of disappointing my cows more.
Once I made the decision, I quickly told the market planners so they could fill my spot. I felt a relief. I felt like the weight on my chest had lessened slightly. This wasn't about doing "less", but about doing what matters. I had to prioritize my farm and my success over a market. Now I have finished the fencing for the first field, we got the cows across the road and out on pasture. When I saw them grazing last night, I was incredibly happy and grateful. These cows love the grass and grazing.
Every season, we learn new things. This year I learned the weight of yes, and the weight of the guilt when it becomes too much.