Drink Dirty Kings

Drink Dirty Kings Because around here, it’s never just a drink—it’s an experience.

Dirty Kings is a mobile drink shop serving wildly handcrafted Dirty Sodas and bold Energy Elixirs with elevated flavors, unexpected combinations, and a little over-the-top fun.

We’re a little sad there isn’t a Halloween event on our calendar this year. 🎃Mostly because we have another fall drink i...
10/13/2026

We’re a little sad there isn’t a Halloween event on our calendar this year. 🎃

Mostly because we have another fall drink idea sitting in the wings, and we have a feeling you would have liked it.

A lot.

Possibly enough to make Buttered B**r nervous.

We’re not saying it could take the crown…but we’re also not saying it couldn’t.

Guess we’ll have to save that showdown for next time.

We finally sat down and did the math.Which, after Marcus C***r Fest, mostly meant staring at numbers while our feet cont...
10/08/2026

We finally sat down and did the math.

Which, after Marcus C***r Fest, mostly meant staring at numbers while our feet continued filing formal complaints.

And now we know two things:

First, you people had favorites.

Second, we were moving.

Across the full event, Dirty Kings averaged about 37 finished items an hour. That works out to roughly one completed item every 1 minute and 37 seconds - for eight and a half hours. No sitting. No real breaks. No mysterious quiet hour where we wandered around, stretched our legs, and contemplated life.

Just drinks, nachos, Glow-Ups, more drinks, more nachos, more whipped toppings, more caramel, and a lot of:

“What is happening?”

And now - We are proud to announce the top three Dirty Kings drinks:

#3 — HARVEST MOON

Coming in third, Harvest Moon proved that sometimes the quieter drink on the menu can still hold its own. Coconut, lime, and maple whipped topping with your choice of Dirty Dr Pepper or Dirty Diet Coke. And between the two? Dr Pepper was the clear favorite. Smooth, cozy, and just enough fall without trying too hard.

#2 — WITCH’S BREW

This one practically marketed itself. Bright green. Purple swirls. Caramel drizzle. A cup that looked like someone had been practicing questionable magic behind the booth. People would see one walk away and immediately start asking what it was. Which, apparently, is a pretty effective sales strategy.

#1 — BUTTERED B**R

And this one took the crown. 👑 Root b**r, butterscotch, vanilla, cream, caramel, and that rich whipped topping turned out to be exactly what Marcus wanted. Warm-tavern energy in a cold cup. Decadent. Completely unnecessary. Perfect.

We have to give an honorable mention to Pumpkin Spice, because she was absolutely part of the conversation.

Pumpkin, vanilla, whipped topping, cinnamon sugar. No potion effects. No caffeine-fueled attitude. Just unapologetic fall. And apparently that still goes a long way.

So the official Marcus podium is:

#1 Buttered B**r
#2 Witch’s Brew
#3 Harvest Moon

With Pumpkin Spice standing just offstage asking whether honorable mention comes with a sash.

Okay, Dirty Kings people… we have a question. 🙋‍♀️ Now that Marcus C***r Fest is behind us and we’ve had a minute to rec...
10/06/2026

Okay, Dirty Kings people… we have a question. 🙋‍♀️ Now that Marcus C***r Fest is behind us and we’ve had a minute to recover, tally things up, and confirm that we did, in fact, survive…(even if we still can’t feel one of our toes)…we know which drinks came out on top.

Any guesses what our top three best-selling Dirty Kings drinks were?

What was your favorite?

🍺 Were you team Buttered B**r?

🧙Did Witch’s Brew cast a spell on you?

🌕 Did Harvest Moon quietly win you over?

🎃 Did Pumpkin Spice taste sublime?

🍎Did Dirty Bad Apple wake you up and choose violence?

Or were you one of the few who went straight for Banana Bread Baddie? 🍌

She was exclusive. As all Banana Bread Baddies tend to be.

We’ll reveal the top three soon,but first, we want to know:

What did you order? And more importantly…What would you order again?

WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.Remember when we branded 1,000 cups and joked that maybe we were being wildly optimistic?...
10/04/2026

WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

Remember when we branded 1,000 cups and joked that maybe we were being wildly optimistic?

Yeah.

About that.

When we say you showed up for Dirty Kings yesterday…

YOU. SHOWED. UP.

We went into Marcus C***r Fest hoping people would like our weird little idea. We hoped the drinks would go over well. We hoped people would understand what we were trying to create. We hoped maybe all the late nights, ridiculous details, syrup math, pass-through windows, lederhosen, hand-painted photo boards, and approximately 47 million conversations would actually make sense once we put it all together.

And then the gates opened. And we NEVER stopped moving again. Dirty soda after dirty soda after dirty soda. 🥤 Caramel Apple Nachos flying out the window. 🍎🍏 Nearly all of the mountain of apples we prepared: gone. Every single Apple C***r Glow-Up: SOLD OUT. And by the end of the day, our tip jar was so full we were running out of places to stuff dollar bills. We genuinely do not think we could have made drinks any faster than we did.

But somehow, that isn’t even the part we’ll remember most.

You are.

You walked up and just… got it. You told us how much you loved the booth. You photographed the drinks before you drank them. You stuck your faces through our ridiculous “I Got Dirty” photo board. You stood at the pass-through windows and watched us make your sodas. You laughed with us. You brought your friends. You brought your kids. You brought grandma! You came back for more.

And we got to watch tiny little kids barely tall enough to peek over the counter light up when we handed them their drinks…while some slightly bigger kids with gray hair and canes did exactly the same thing. Apparently, getting Dirty has no age limit.

We also learned a few things.

For instance:

There is such a thing as too much cream in a carbonated beverage. Kristen discovered this personally. Several times. A few drinks became unexpectedly enthusiastic and fizzed right up and out the lids, getting their new owners slightly Dirtier than anticipated. Eventually Kristen started handing them across the counter with a verbal warning. She would like it formally stated that she was not intentionally sabotaging our customers. I’m not so sure. Fortunately, we had napkins. Lots of napkins. Nobody seemed particularly bothered. They laughed, wiped themselves off, and drank them anyway.

We had one woman ask whether we had anything sugar-free.

We told her:

“We are unapologetically pro sugar and fat.”

She laughed, and then she bought a dirty soda anyway.

And then there was Ben and his lederhosen. He enjoyed it way too much! There was, however, one minor engineering flaw, he kept having a wardrobe malfunction. Apparently the shoulder straps were no match for his shoulder traps. Every time one slipped off, somewhere in the middle of absolute drink-making chaos, we would hear:

“MY LEDERHOSEN!”

Which meant Kristen and I were legally obligated to immediately respond:

“OH NO! MY LEDERHOSEN!”

The customers laughed. Apparently Dirty Kings comes with dinner theater.

At one point, someone stood there looking around the booth and asked:

“Is this a franchise?”

Nope. It’s just us. We did this.

Then came:

“Where are you located?”

“Right here in Colville.”

And that one got us a little. Because this really was built right here. By us. The recipes. The branding. The signs. The booth. The menu. The photo board. The weird little details. All of it.

So when people stopped, looked around, and said things like:

“Truly, well done.”

You probably didn’t realize how much that meant. Because we knew what you were actually looking at. Months of work.

Then, because apparently no first food event is complete without one final boss battle…the health inspector arrived. Surprise! Nothing quite says “WELCOME TO THE FOOD BUSINESS” like an unannounced inspection during your very first event. And?

ZERO VIOLATIONS BABY!

Passed with flying colors. Even our inspector took a moment to tell us what an amazing booth we had and congratulate us on our debut. We will happily take that win.

So to every single person who bought a dirty soda…ordered Caramel Apple Nachos…snagged one of the Apple C***r Glow-Ups for their “kids” before they disappeared…took a picture…shared a post…laughed with us…came back for another drink…told us what your favorite was…or simply stopped because you needed to know what in the world was going on over there:

THANK YOU.

Seriously. Dirty Kings has lived in our heads, our kitchen, our garage, our spreadsheets, and an increasingly concerning portion of our house for months.

Yesterday? It became real. And you made our first event better than we ever imagined it could be. We worked our little Bavarian butts off!

We got almost no sleep the last 48 hours. Our feet hurt. Our bodies hurt. I know there is syrup somewhere it has no business being. And today we are operating almost entirely on gratitude and whatever caffeine remains in our bloodstream.

But would we do it again?

Ohhhh yes. We need a minute to rest. We need to reset. We need to figure out what we learned.

And then? We’re doing this again.

Marcus C***r Fest was amazing. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for supporting something new. Thank you for supporting something local. Thank you for laughing with us. Thank you for letting us be a little theatrical, a little ridiculous, and completely over the top. And thank you for getting Dirty with us.

And one more thing:

If you took pictures yesterday — of your drinks, your kids, your friends, the photo board, the booth, Ben fighting with his lederhosen, whatever — and you’d like to share them with us, we would genuinely love to see them. Send them our way.

We spent so much of the day making drinks that there are probably a hundred little moments we never got to see. We’d love to see Dirty Kings through your eyes.

We will see you again soon.

— The Dirty Kings Crew

The banner is printed and ready to go up.She’s so cute, ehh?!Five feet of fall-drink glory.Also, she’s taller than Ben.W...
10/03/2026

The banner is printed and ready to go up.

She’s so cute, ehh?!

Five feet of fall-drink glory.

Also, she’s taller than Ben.

Which, to be fair, is not that hard. We hail from hobbits.

But seeing this thing printed is a little surreal.

For the last three months, these drinks have existed mostly in our kitchen.

We’ve mixed them. Remixed them. Made everyone around us taste them. Changed recipes. Changed them back. Debated fractions of pumps like national security depended on it.

And tomorrow…

YOU get to drink them.

Ready to meet our six limited-edition Dirty Kings fall signatures?

Without further ado, we proudly present:

HARVEST MOON
Dirty Dr Pepper or Dirty Diet Coke, coconut, lime, and maple whipped topping. Dark, smooth, cozy fall in a cup.

BUTTERED B**R
Root b**r, butterscotch, vanilla, cream, and caramel. Basically what we imagine you’d order in a warm tavern after walking through a magical brick wall.

WITCH’S BREW
Green apple, salted caramel, vanilla, caramel drizzle, and swirling purple magic.

Yes. It actually swirls.

DIRTY BAD APPLE
Monster Bad Apple Energy, tart apple, red shimmer, and creamy caramel.

She has caffeine.

She has attitude.

Proceed accordingly.

DIRTY PUMPKIN PIE
Pumpkin, vanilla, whipped topping, and cinnamon sugar.

If sweater weather were carbonated.

BANANA BREAD BADDIE
Who doesn’t feel like a baddie after making banana bread?

Banana, hazelnut, maple, brown sugar… and a mini banana bread muffin sitting on top.

Because… banana bread.

And somehow, those six drinks aren’t even the whole story.

There will be Caramel Apple Nachos.

There will be lederhosen.

There will be a custom-built, hand-painted photo board.

There will be theater.

There will be drama.

There will be an absurd amount of fun and sugar.

And Brad Pitt!

Just kidding.

He had other pressing matters.

Maybe next time.

And after months of planning, building, tasting, calculating, painting, buying, hauling, stickering, staining, engineering, and repeatedly asking ourselves:

“Are we taking this too far?”

Tomorrow we finally get our answer.

Although, at this point, we’re pretty sure the answer is:

Yes.

And that was the whole idea.

Dirty Kings makes its official debut TOMORROW at Marcus C***r Fest.

Come find us.

Bring your friends.

Bring Grandma.

And come prepared to get a little Dirty.

We have a little secret to tell you. A confession, really. We haven’t been completely honest, and frankly we feel it is ...
10/02/2026

We have a little secret to tell you. A confession, really. We haven’t been completely honest, and frankly we feel it is only right to come clean.

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about the dirty sodas.

But there’s one little detail we’ve been keeping to ourselves.

We aren’t just serving dirty sodas. Because apparently that would have been too simple.

What would a C***r Fest be without Caramel Apple Nachos?

I mean, seriously.

So while we’ve been over here pretending this is all about the drinks, we’ve also been quietly assembling an alarming collection of chocolate, crushed cookies, candy, Heath pieces, caramel, and other completely reasonable apple toppings.

The apples are coming.

The caramel is coming.

The chaos is coming.

Marcus C***r Fest is coming.

You should probably come hungry.

At some point, very early in the Dirty Kings planning process, when we were still fresh, excited, and blissfully unaware...
10/02/2026

At some point, very early in the Dirty Kings planning process, when we were still fresh, excited, and blissfully unaware of how many logistics spreadsheets, supply runs, calculations, and cases of soda were in our future…

someone said:

“We should make a giant interactive photo board.”

And by someone, I mean me.

Hi.

I’m the problem.

It’s me.

This was back before we were knee-deep in syrup counts, ice calculations, cup branding, equipment lists, and enough soda to make our house look like we were preparing for a minor apocalypse.

Back then, this sounded like a fun little extra.

So naturally, we committed.

A full-size, hand-painted, completely unnecessary photo board.

Even in the very beginning, “just serve drinks” was never really our style.

Consistency people. Consistency.

I hope by now you’ve figured out that Dirty Kings was never really about just making dirty sodas.Anyone can make a dirty...
10/01/2026

I hope by now you’ve figured out that Dirty Kings was never really about just making dirty sodas.

Anyone can make a dirty soda. Pour some syrup in a cup. Add soda. Add cream. Done.

That’s not the part we’re obsessed with.

We’re obsessed with the experience.

We want you to walk up, see the booth, see the drinks, notice all the ridiculous little details and immediately think:

“Okay. I want in on whatever this is.”

We want it to be fun. A little theatrical. A little over the top. Slightly ridiculous in the best possible way.

And yes, the drinks still have to be really good. We spend an almost embarrassing amount of time hemming and hawing over flavor combinations, balance, texture, toppings, and whether one more pump makes something better… or completely ruins it.

Because we don’t want to hand you a soda in a cup. We want to hand you a little celebration. A moment. Something you take a picture of. Something you take a picture with. Something you want to share with somebody else about (after you finish your drink, of course). Something that, for a few minutes, is just ridiculously fun. The kind of fun that feels like those special moments you had when you were a kid.

That’s what we’re building.

Not just drinks. An handcrafted flavorful experience that leaves you a little happier than we found you.

And if you walk away thinking,

“That was way more fun than it needed to be…”

Perfect. That was exactly the point.

Does a mobile dirty soda stand need pass-through windows? No.Did that stop us from engineering them into existence anywa...
09/30/2026

Does a mobile dirty soda stand need pass-through windows? No.

Did that stop us from engineering them into existence anyway?

Also no.

At some point, “we need a functional booth” became “what if we built actual pass-through windows?”

So we did.

Measured them. Framed them. Stained them. Built them into the whole setup.

Because apparently handing someone a soda across a table like a normal person was never really the vision.

We wanted the booth to feel like a place. A little storefront. A little tavern.

A little “how did this become a full construction project?”

Completely necessary?

Probably not.

Completely on brand?

Have you been paying attention yet?

At some point, we decided the booth needed a few display drinks.Not because anyone has forgotten what a cup looks like.B...
09/29/2026

At some point, we decided the booth needed a few display drinks.

Not because anyone has forgotten what a cup looks like.

Because apparently we are physically incapable of doing anything the simple way.

So we built them.

Painted cups.

Caramel drizzle.

Domed lids.

Straws.

Fake whipped topping.

A completely reasonable amount of effort for something whose entire job is to sit there and look pretty.

Honestly, they turned out better than they had any right to.

They’re dramatic.

They’re extra.

They’re a little ridiculous.

Which, at this point, feels very on brand.

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Colville, WA
99114

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