RiRi's Ranch

10/18/2026

Maddie’s Sassy Sunday Poem
By Maddie, the Real Goat of RiRi’s Ranch
It’s Sunday, y’all, so let’s spread some cheer,
Be kind and be grateful for those we hold dear.
Be thankful for sunshine, for hay and for treats,
For head scratches, warm cuddles, and four little feet!
But I have one small favor I’d like to discuss…
Mom and Dad, are you thinking of US?!
You’ve chased scarecrows, collected shells by the sea,
While I’m stuck here wondering, “WHAT ABOUT ME?!”
I’m practicing kindness, I’m grateful, it’s true,
But my patience is thinner than Granny’s hay crew!
So enjoy your adventures, your ocean, your fun…
But 3 MORE DAYS?! Oh, that’s just NOT DONE!
So be kind to each other, be grateful each day,
Hug those you love and share kindness along the way.
But Mom and Dad, listen… here’s Maddie’s decree:
HURRY HOME TO YOUR FAVORITE GOAT… THAT’S ME!!!
Love, kisses, and one tiny complaint,
Maddie

10/18/2026

HELP MOM PICK A SCARECROW WINNER!

Well, y’all… Mom and Dad are still out in California scarecrow hunting while I’m back home counting down the days until their return!

Mom has narrowed her favorites down to her TOP 3 SCARECROW CONTESTANTS, and now she needs YOUR help deciding who deserves the crown!

CAST YOUR VOTE!

PHOTO #1: Sonny & Cher — a little flower power, a little rock ’n’ roll! 🎸

PHOTO #2: The Mermaid — shell yeah, she’s fabulous! 🐚

PHOTO #3: The Flower Child — peace, love, and sunflower power!

BUT HOLD YOUR HORSES…

I have a bone to pick with Mom. WHY, OH WHY, did she not choose the BEEKEEPER?!

That honey looked AMAZING and SWEET… and y’all KNOW I have a weakness for sweet things! I could’ve been her official honey taste tester. Instead, she’s out there taking pictures of scarecrows while her poor goat is back home surviving on hay and missing her treat dealer!

Clearly, somebody’s priorities need adjusting.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

Comment 1, 2, or 3 and help Mom choose the winner!

And tell me… SHOULD THE BEEKEEPER HAVE MADE THE TOP 3?!

I’m just saying, I would’ve voted for the honey. Sweetness recognizes sweetness, y’all.

Love,
Maddi 🐐💋
Chief of Complaints, Treat Inspector & Official Queen of RiRi’s Ranch

10/17/2026

SATURDAY STORYTIME WITH MADDI
The Real Goats of RiRi’s Ranch

Well, y’all… it’s SATURDAY, and guess who is STILL missing her mama and her treat dealer?! THIS GOAT RIGHT HERE!

ONLY 5 MORE DAYS! Somebody please tell me there’s a countdown calendar around here because I am about two head scratches short of filing an official missing parents report!

Apparently, Mom and Dad are STILL living their best lives by the OCEAN in California!

Yesterday, they went scarecrow hunting AGAIN. I’m starting to think Mom has a serious scarecrow addiction. Does California not have enough regular people to look at?! Why are we hunting decorations?

And if that wasn’t enough, they spent the day collecting shells and rock hunting at the beach!

SHELLS. ROCKS. SCARECROWS.

Meanwhile, back here at RiRi’s Ranch, we have REAL goats, REAL chickens, REAL ducks, REAL drama, and a whole lot of REAL animals who would appreciate a little attention! HELLOOOO?!

Granny is still holding down the fort, keeping everybody fed, and tolerating all my daily complaints. Bless her heart.

But let me ask y’all something… how many shells and rocks does one person need? Because I’m pretty sure Mom could’ve collected FIVE DAYS WORTH OF GOAT SNUGGLES instead! Just saying.

So here I sit, counting down the days until my mama comes home, my daddy returns with the treats, and life gets back to its proper order.

5 MORE DAYS, Y’ALL! Somebody hide the suitcases and tell California to stop being so entertaining!

Until tomorrow, keep your hooves happy and your snacks close. And if you see my parents, remind them that their favorite goat is waiting at home!

With love, attitude, and a slightly broken heart,

Maddi
RiRi’s Ranch Chief of Complaints, Professional Snuggle Expert & Abandoned Goat (temporarily, I HOPE!)

10/16/2026

THE REAL GOATS OF RIRI’S RANCH: WEEKLY REVIEW
Starring yours truly… MADDI! The Queen of Commentary!

Well, well, well… another week has gone by here at RiRi’s Ranch, and I have SOME THOUGHTS. Imagine that!

THE CALIFORNIA SITUATION:
Mom and Dad are STILL in California chasing scarecrows!

I don’t know what these scarecrows have that I don’t have, but I would like to remind them that I am a perfectly good attraction RIGHT HERE AT HOME. I have personality, charm, fabulous hair (well… goat hair), and I’m available for pictures in exchange for snacks. Just saying.

THE WEATHER REPORT:
Apparently, California is experiencing a HEAT WAVE!

Y’all… they’re calling it HOT out there, and the temperatures are what WE consider a PERFECT, CRISP FALL DAY around here!

I mean, seriously! If they think THAT’S hot, they should try wearing a fur coat 24/7, having four legs, and being expected to look fabulous in the sunshine. Welcome to MY world, California!

GRANNY WATCH:
Granny is STILL in charge of this operation. And while I appreciate her dedication to keeping the herd fed, watered, and reasonably civilized… I have a few concerns.

For starters, she is NOT my mama. And she is DEFINITELY not my personal treat dealer. That position is held by Dad, and frankly, I’m not sure he understands the urgency of his responsibilities from 3,000 miles away.

I have been monitoring the situation closely. By monitoring, I mean eating, napping, demanding attention, and occasionally looking toward the driveway with dramatic sadness.

It’s called RANGE, people. Emotional range.

📋 THIS WEEK’S OFFICIAL GOAT REPORT:
✔️ Mom and Dad: Missing in California.
✔️ Scarecrows: Getting WAY too much attention.
✔️ Granny: Still running the ranch.
✔️ Weather in California: Apparently unbearable at our version of fall perfection.
✔️ Maddie: Still adorable, still underappreciated, still accepting treats.

🐐 MY FINAL THOUGHTS:

I hope Mom and Dad are having a wonderful time visiting family and enjoying their California adventures.

BUT… I would like to remind them that the ranch is not the same without them - the birds are probably confused, the dogs miss the excitement, and somebody needs to make sure my snack supply is being properly managed.

So enjoy your scarecrows, your sunshine, and your fancy California adventures.

I’ll be here at RiRi’s Ranch… holding down the fort, supervising Granny, and preparing my list of formal complaints for Mom’s return.

And trust me, folks… THAT LIST IS GROWING.

Until next week, stay sassy, stay fabulous, and remember…

PS... Sending pics to mom and dad so they won't forget me !!!!

— Maddie

10/15/2026

THOUGHTS FROM MADDI… THANKFUL THURSDAY!

WELL, WELL, WELL… GUESS WHO FINALLY HEARD FROM MOM & DAD?!?

YES, FOLKS! The missing persons investigation has been temporarily suspended!

Apparently, the phone service where they’re staying is TERRIBLE. Now, how am I supposed to properly supervise my humans from 3,000 miles away if I can’t reach them?!? And more importantly… WHERE DO I CALL WHEN I HAVE A COMPLAINT?!? Is there a Goat Customer Service Department somewhere? Asking for a friend.

The good news is they’re having a fabulous time visiting family.

Mom tells me there’s a SCARECROW EXHIBITION where they are. About 200 scarecrows, and people come from everywhere to see them!

EXCUSE ME?!?

First of all, the word SCARE is right there in the name! Why would anyone willingly go look at 200 things designed to scare birds?!? I’m a goat, but I know a bad idea when I see one. I’ll be staying RIGHT HERE, thank you very much!

Then there’s the grape situation…

They’ve been visiting places with LOTS of grapes, which they call vineyards.

I LIKE GRAPES. Like A WHOLE LOT!!! And nobody thought to bring me along?!? I have questions. MANY questions.

Meanwhile, Granny is doing a wonderful job keeping the ranch running. She’s feeding us, keeping everybody happy, and helping us hold down the fort.

BUT… she’s not bringing out that FUN WAGON anymore like she did the first day. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WAGON, GRANNY?!? We had ONE day of luxury, and now we’re back to regular goat business?!? I believe we need a staff meeting.

So, on this Thankful Thursday, I’m thankful Mom & Dad are having fun, Granny is taking good care of us, and the whole herd is holding things together back home.

Now, if someone could just improve the phone service, deliver a few grapes, and bring back my wagon rides, I’d be one VERY thankful goat!

ONLY 6 MORE DAYS UNTIL MOM & DAD COME HOME!!!

Until then, I’m Maddi… ranch supervisor, grape enthusiast, scarecrow skeptic, and head of the Department of Complaints.

And remember, folks… I MAY BE A GOAT, BUT I KNOW WHEN I’M BEING LEFT OUT OF THE GOOD STUFF!

10/14/2026

10/14/2026

MADDIE’S DAILY DRAMA: THE CASE OF THE MISSING PARENTS!

Well, my peeps, I have some VERY disturbing news to report from Riri’s Ranch!

Mom and Dad officially abandoned me yesterday morning BEFORE THE SUN WAS EVEN UP! They stopped in the dark to say goodbye, then off they went to California, leaving behind one sad, neglected, absolutely FABULOUS little goat.

And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse…

GRANNY FORGOT THE BREAKFAST MEMO!

Apparently, breakfast wasn’t served until 10:30 AM. EXCUSE ME??? That’s AT LEAST THREE HOURS LATE! Do these people not understand that a goat’s day revolves around meals, snacks, and more meals? I was THIS close to calling my lawyer.

BUT WAIT… there was a plot twist!

Granny brought the hay in on a WAGON instead of tossing it over the fence like Mom does. OH. MY. GOATNESS!

We had the BEST time going in and out of that wagon. It was like our very own hay amusement park!

Granny, however, did NOT share our enthusiasm. Apparently, she wasn’t thrilled with my enthusiastic assistance. I mean, honestly, Granny, if you didn’t want a supervisor, you shouldn’t have brought the wagon into MY workplace!

After all the morning… or should I say AFTERNOON… excitement, things finally settled down.

I asked Granny if she had any updates on Mom and Dad, but apparently, the phone service where they are isn’t great.

WELL, NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I NEED TO FILE A COMPLAINT?!

The Department of Goat Affairs is clearly understaffed, the breakfast department is running behind, and management has left the country!

I’m thinking of opening a formal investigation into parental abandonment, delayed breakfast, and the unacceptable lack of communication.

Until further notice, I shall be accepting sympathy, treats, and legal representation.

Stay tuned, peeps. This diva is NOT letting this case go cold!

10/13/2026

TUESDAY MORNING BREAKING NEWS FROM MADDIE THE SASSY GOAT

EXCUSE ME?!?! MOM AND DAD LEFT FOR CALIFORNIA WITHOUT ME?!

Well, peeps, I have some VERY disturbing news to report from Riri’s Ranch this morning.

Apparently, Mom and my personal treat dealer (also known as Dad) have packed their bags, hopped on an airplane, and flown off to California. WITHOUT THEIR FAVORITE GOAT.

I mean, HELLOOOO?! Has anyone considered that Mom’s dad might absolutely ADORE me? Surely he would appreciate my fabulous personality, my charming face, and my exceptional treat-requesting abilities. I could be the STAR of the whole California vacation!

But NOOOOO. Apparently, I’m expected to stay here and run this place while they go gallivanting around the Golden State.

Carli and Coco, my dog friends, seem pretty bummed about the whole situation, too. We may need to schedule a support group. Snacks will be provided, assuming Granny gets her act together.

As for the birds? The chickens, ducks, guineas, and Mr. Big the rooster don’t seem to have figured out what’s going on yet. Give them time. The news will spread eventually, and then we’ll REALLY have a situation.

Meanwhile, I am sitting here IMPATIENTLY waiting for Granny to serve breakfast. Because apparently, even when your parents abandon you for California, a goat is still expected to wait for her buffet to open. THE INJUSTICE!

So here’s the plan, peeps:
-Count down the days until Mom and Dad return.
-Remind Granny that I have a VERY demanding appetite.
-Consider sending Mom daily messages reminding her exactly WHO she left behind.
-And when Dad gets home? Well, my treat allowance may need a little adjustment to compensate for this emotional distress.

California may have sunshine, beaches, and palm trees… but it doesn’t have MADDIE!

And frankly, I think they’re missing out.

Stay fabulous, peeps! I’ll be here… counting the days, supervising the ranch, and waiting for my treat dealer to come home.

Maddie OUT!

10/12/2026

MY OH MY MONDAY — MADDIE’S MORNING ANNOUNCEMENT!

Well, well, well… look who survived another weekend!

Good morning, my adoring peeps! It’s Monday, which means Mom and Dad are back to doing whatever it is they do all day instead of focusing on what’s REALLY important… ME!

I’ve reviewed the schedule, inspected the property, and checked the buffet situation. So far, Monday is giving me absolutely NOTHING to be excited about. No extra treats. No room service. And don’t even get me started on the customer service around here!

My advice? Don’t chase Monday, peeps. Let Monday chase YOU. And if it catches you… demand snacks and take a nap. Works for me every time!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a very important meeting with my hay trough. It’s a standing appointment.

Stay sassy, stay fabulous, and remember…
You’re never too old to throw a tantrum when the treats are late!

Love, kisses & a little goat drama,
Maddie
CEO of Cuteness & Head of Monday Complaints at Riri’s Ranch

10/11/2026

MADDIE’S SATURDAY OBSERVATIONS
Live from Riri’s Ranch, where the goat has opinions about EVERYTHING!

Well, peeps… WHAT IN THE WET HAY WAS THAT?!

Saturday brought rain, rain, and MORE rain. YUCK! My fabulous fur is not designed for this nonsense. I’m a diva, not a water buffalo! Somebody needs to speak to Mother Nature about her management skills.

Apparently, all this mess came courtesy of a hurricane with a funny name. While I’m busy complaining about soggy hooves, our neighbors farther south have suffered some serious damage. So, from all of us here at Riri’s Ranch, we’re sending prayers, love, and warm thoughts to everyone affected.

Now, moving on to the other big Saturday mystery…

APPARENTLY, the Gamecock finally won a football game! And judging by the noise echoing across the entire yard, you’d have thought somebody had just announced FREE PUMPKINS FOR EVERY GOAT!

But here’s where my little goat brain got confused.

I heard the Gamecock beat a Gator.

EXCUSE ME?!

I’m no dummy, peeps. I know a rooster when I see one, and I DEFINITELY know an animal that could eat me when I see one! Who decided it was a good idea to name football teams after animals that belong in the barnyard or the swamp?

And why are we all screaming about it? Did somebody actually catch the Gator? Is the rooster wearing a crown? WHERE ARE THE TREATS?!

Normally, rainy Saturdays around here are pretty quiet. The chickens hunker down, the goats mind their own business (well, most of us), and everybody waits for the sunshine.

BUT ADD FOOTBALL TO THE MIX?

Suddenly, the humans are yelling at a television, the yard sounds like a barnyard convention, and I’m wondering if I should call for backup.

My official conclusion: Rain is miserable, football makes humans LOUD, and goats are clearly the only sensible creatures on this ranch.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find a dry spot, demand snacks, and let the humans celebrate their rooster’s victory.

Saturday observation complete. You’re welcome.

— Maddie, Queen of Riri’s Ranch, Rain Critic, and Unofficial College Football Analyst