08/17/2026
5,000 years ago, wine was medicine and a gift from the gods. Ancient Egyptians fortified it with tree resin, herbs and other natural substances to pull the medicinal properties out of the plants.
Antiquated cough syrup.
One of the first rulers of Ancient Egypt, Scorpion I of Dynasty 0, was buried with 700 jars of the stuff. They believed in life after death. You carried your earthly treasures with you, so a king needed his cellar.
Personally, I’d rather enjoy my vices in this lifetime.
But here’s the thing: that whole arrangement depended on one thing. Fruit.
Fruit trees showed up 100 million years ago and needed animals to spread their seeds, so they turned colorful, juicy and sweet. Primates got hooked and ate them in enormous quantities. They liked them ripe. And loved them fermented.
Eating that much fruit meant tracking when and where it appeared. Brains grew. Those brains became minds: language, culture… and an appreciation for a fine vintage.
So the next time you pour a glass, put your big, primate brain to good use.
You’re drinking the end of a 100-million-year chain.
