04/22/2026
Ok so warning this is the update to my beyond sad week for the farm and I'm not holding back anything because everyone out there should do this for their followers so everyone knows they are not alone when it happens to them. This is very long read. Maybe it will help somebody someday in someway ,❤️ I didn't proof read it after so I apologize for any weird spelling or wording.
My roller coaster week started actually on a Friday, and it started really good! We left super early in morning to bring my dad to his back surgery. He was terrified and so was I but would never show it for his sake lol. He went into surgery and out into recovery right as scheduled and did exceptional! He woke up wiggling his feet and toes and still cracking jokes even if he didn't know it because of all the drugs making him high in the sky lol. Saturday he was up and even walking steps. Doc said he could be going home even that day but would still aim for Sunday discharge. Through the weekend my daughter and I met up with family and visited together also. Wasn't thrilled about dealing with some rude people that were in Brandon but that's to be expected.
Lots of people and all the hustle of it all brings my anxiety high normally anyways. Sometimes that one person can set it to overload and that happened a few times but that's part of life and can't control others so I was able to get through the bumps as normal. Saturday didn't get a whole lot of sleep, on purpose, lol because of course visiting with my friend I call family like we usually do when we meet up and morning hours sneak up on us every time lol but much needed and would never change. Closed my eyes for a couple hours.
Sunday my dad was almost bouncing of excitement to get the hell out of the hospital and was discharged afternoon and we went got coffee and he relaxed and visited here and there as I and the others we met up with were in and out of a couple stores for last bit of a visit before heading home. Headed home and went super slow and made everyone have road rage but didn't care, just happy my dad was doing great and didn't want to hurt him with any bumps. Got home all was ok. Realized though that my dad's adjustable bed wasn't going to cut the need for him. So looked at market place and found couple options of hospital beds that adjust exactly as needed for his comfort and positioning he needed for first week or so of recovery. Awesome messaged them and went home to bed, I think 🤔 can't remember exact time but I'm pretty sure by time got into bed at home was after 1 am.
Monday morning 630 am up and off to work after getting ready and doing checks on bus and such.ok so now forgive me because time and when and how sometimes isn't always straight in my brain on a normal day never mind this week in particular and remembering now not my exact talent for remember when and where lol I organized and made a deal on the one bed from a sweet lady by Brandon. Unfortunately though Tuesday after work on my end, didn't work out on her end to come for the bed. And I couldn't wait till later days because that would defeat the purpose of the bed for my dad and he needed it no question. So I arranged to go after work that day, Monday. Perfect opportunity for a sister trip with my sister that was moving soon after far away. She was able to come with me and met in dauphin on way out and we headed out to get the bed. This is about 630 pm leaving dauphin I believe.
So through this time, my exhaustion was definitely showing it's ugly head in ways I knew I was pushing it and felt the physical side affects that I shoved down with sugar and coffee which worked for what I need it to or I just decided to stop noticing anything. Not sure but pushed through as always with knowing it would be over and I'd crash the next day after work and all would be ok, right? Um no. Heres where it gets to the part of the week where the wall of something hit...
Loading the bed and strapping and the drive home went ok and like I said the sugar and coffee masked the exhaustion and of course great conversation with my sister was awesome and made it home. The guys unloaded at my dad's and we got home to the farm about 430 am Tuesday morning...
No sleep and scared to go to sleep at this point because it would just make me more tired trying to wake up an hour later for work. So more coffee and a inner aching of thought process of, ok just till 5. I can do this. I'll be fine , I can crash right after work and milking the goat. That's it! Yes I can do it, nah I'm not going to reach out to anyone and worry them for no reason..... That's what I told my self all day.
Through all of this, the 120 eggs I was so excited to hatch were suppse to hatch anytime from Monday. All had life and awesome development on check day week prior.... Nothing, no signs of any hatching or anything! Not one sign on one egg at all. Awesome friends encouraging me and telling me have patience and it's your first time and just awesome people! I just knew though if no signs of anything through all 120 eggs on day 23 of being in incubation that my gut feeling was 95 percent probably true and I failed and all 120 eggs died. I was so upset and just pretended that I had more hope and was not bothered. Went to work the Wednesday, storm hit and none of the bosses listened to the drivers that it was bad where I was and other places. They didn't send us home early and roads got closed but luckily opened minutes before home time, was able to go home .... Was horrible drive home with the snow storm. Got home safe and almost kissed the ground and the house because finally I'm home and only have one thing or so to do and I'm going to be alright. Oh that was also the day I sent my daughter to take my dad to emergency because he was going downhill with pain and possible Blatter rupture due to not being able to release long enough to empty much out of his blatter. All went well but there were a lot of phone calls and texting throughout the work day. Stressed and worried about it all. He was good after and doc called him back from Brandon, got him on a medication that he was supposed to be on but the hospital never gave him the prescription like was supposed to. He was on the uphill from there. Still lots of pain for a few more days but all was good.I forget if we fed hay bales that day too.I think we did and then I milked goat. Kids were all over place and my hubby was awesome to deal with everything and me as I'm sure I was a bucket of sunshine, blurry after that. I can't remember a time but I know my body shut down and I basically robotically did what I absolutely had to like milking goat and seeing the animals and pretty sure I did few other small things but not sure either. That was through wednesday night till Friday night I think I was up and did something more but not positive on what and how long. Work was cancelled because of big snow storm that continued through Thursday and Friday. Thursday afternoon sometime or maybe evening I don't know, my hubby breaks the news to me that our diary cow daisy was lifeless and looked to have somehow got her head caught and couldn't get up and died... That was the last straw and I felt my already breaking body/mind, snap almost all the frayed threads I was holding onto.O didn't burst out in hysterics or balling my eyes out or anything that triggered anyone around me to know how low I was going and how scary and close I felt mentally not being able to feel in reality or feel like I was even there, feeling like a heavey fogged dream where you keep pinching yourself trying to wake up for that clarity of reality knowing it's a dream and you do exist. But the clarity just wouldn't peek out at all.Sunday, a week after coming home from Brandon, from my dad's surgery recovery at hospital( just for clarity of which Sunday I'm talking about now), I was able to have enough thought that I did tell myself if I couldn't grasp at reality or feel by Monday morning, I'd be messaging my bosses and taking the week off. Scared I was going to have to try tell someone I needed to go in and be assessed, couldn't tell anyone because we'll not telling my hubby the full brute of my state because I was such a bitch and I knew it and couldn't help it and didn't want to take the chance it come out wrong and start something I couldn't deal with as in I knew it was not an option to deal with anything other than thoughts. I didn't want to unintentionally say wrong things or something that would be hurtful... Can't tell my kids, they don't need to deal with this, what would they do besides be worried and stressed and they are just kids. Can't tell my dad he has enough on his plate and wouldn't want him to feel any wrong feelings of thinking he had anything to do with it like he probably would think which didn't have energy to make sure he didn't stress and overthink it with all the pain and meds he was on. Couldn't tell my mom because well she just be beside herself or do some kind of crazy irrational decision for nothing because I know I'll be ok I think right? Can't tell my dear friends because they have so much more to deal with and I don't even know why I feel like this for this long and why it's so hard when I know my issues are not nearly as bad as many others that they deal with.... This was my flash thoughts bouncing around without focus. Finally later that evening or night I forget, I forced my fingers to type a short message to one of my friends who I convinced myself enough, that she would interpret it and know what to say even if she was having her own bad week or day. And I pushed send and she wrote back and short messages back and forth slowly felt like I could feel reality and feel like I started to feel that pinch in that fogged dream. I was able to go to bed and fell asleep still pretty late but I knew it was the start of the new week and I could feel the line of sanity straightening back into form. It was all up hill from there and right now in this very moment being Wednesday at 11 am, 3 days since the end of that brutal week, I am feeling more and more my tough, determined, motivated self coming back. I faced the failures and my hubby did most of all the work yesterday to put daisy to rest through fire. It was so sad to see her and have to face the reality of disposing of her. She was such a sweet jersey and I loved that dam cow! She was going to be going to another family where she would have been so loved too, such a freak accident had a bigger effect on me than I would have ever anticipated. I unplugged the incubator last night, today I will be disposing the eggs. Realized and learnt many things through that week.
There are probably details and happenings I forgot to mention but even as small as it might seem and people may see this as an exaggeration or overreacting or whatever they conclude, I know there are people out there that know exactly and I hope that sharing my experience will help someone someday. Don't ever think you or your feelings are insignificant. Even if you have no clue why or what reason it is, you matter and the way you feel is no less important than any thoughts your telling yourself. Stay strong and have a great rest of your week!
