01/04/2026
Continuing our proud tradition of launching deeply questionable products around this time every year, we are honoured to introduce THE GREY GOAT 👴🐐
Inspired by the recent discovery of grey hairs in our co-founder’s signature goatee, we spent seconds on research and almost no time on development before THE GREY GOAT slid out of a pot with the viscosity of drywall paste.
THE GREY GOAT represents the next natural stage in our evolution: weaker, milder, slower, and far more focused on digestive health.
Our mildest, least flavourful sauce yet, THE GREY GOAT is a bowl-moving, fist-shaking, antacid-loaded homage to aging disgracefully. Carefully prepared using only the finest bland, tasteless, and easily manageable ingredients, it delivers maximum comfort with minimal excitement.
Designed for porch sitting, lawn guarding, thermostat adjusting, and telling the same story three times in one afternoon, THE GREY GOAT offers a soft and forgettable flavour experience for those who think mayonnaise is starting to push it.
Whether you’re looking to stay regular, avoid heartburn, or finally admit that “mild” has become a bit much, THE GREY GOAT is here to meet you exactly where you are: tired, sore, and in bed by 8:30.
Available now for no actual time only in extremely limited quantities, before we inevitably realize we’ve gone too far again.
