10/11/2025
I'm glad the majority of the British public saw this for what it was back when Arla first announced trials.
The Night Before Bovaer - The night before Christmas Parody
For humour purposes only and not based on verified fact.
'Twas the night before Bovaer, when all through the farm,
Every creature was farting, and it did them no harm!
The grain sacks were hung by the chimney with care,
In the hope that new crops soon would be there.
The cows were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of meadows danced in their heads;
And the farmers in wellies, checked shirt & cap,
Had just settled their brains to start shovelling the crap,
When out on the internet there arose much natter
They sprang from the tractor to see what was the matter.
Away to the laptop they flew like a flash,
Tore open the emails and gave the keys a good bash.
The photos of earth, and a windy cow farce,
Feed them something to stop, those fumes from the arse!
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
But a chemical feed, that they trademarked Bovaer,
With a big pharma company set for profit and quick,
They wondered instantly, could this make our cows sick?
More rapid than vultures, climate activists came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called farmers a name.
"Now climate chancer, now climate change crook”
On, TV! on, Placards! on, X and Facebook!
Climate talk in parliament, and government hall!
Now wind away! Gas away! Farts away all!"
When the grass fed them, they let the natural air fly,
Cattle now dine with chemicals, for no hole in the sky!
So up to the feed troughs the additives they flew
With the belly full of Bovaer, no farts just the moo!
And then, cows were down, but they said where’s the proof,
That eating with no farting is no good for the hoof?
As they tended their herds, and turned their Farms around,
Down the food chain came Bovaer, with worrying bound.
It was dressed as harmless, from head to its foot,
And assurance of food untainted, it all goes in the gut;
A bundle of promises it had flung on its back,
And Farms became science labs, just opening it's pack.
The finances dwindled, and the banks were less merry!
The cheques were like rubber and no upgrading the dairy!
The cash poor farmers, overdrawn like a bow,
And after working for years, had little to show;
They stump up for Bovaer whilst gritting their teeth,
And the costs it encircled his head like a wreath.
They had a broad shoulders and big sturdy wellies.
But shook when saw their bloated cows bellies.
They were chubby and plump, but not in good health.
And they cried when they saw it, and blamed themself!
A tear in the eye and fear in their head,
Is it the Bovaer, why that cow is dead?
They spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
And filled all the forms, the cause just a kneejerk?
Pharma not farmer laying finger on nose,
And giving a nod, as up the hush money rose;
They looked to Denmark, farmers blow the whistle!
Get our cattle back to natural grass and sow thistle.
But where there’s cover ups and buyouts in sight,
They will do sod all without a bloody big fight.
By a customer
