15/11/2021
It's easy to jump in and try to reason with our kids when they don't handle something well or need to learn something. But we know some things about the brain here that can really help you to stay connected with your child AND help them learn better.
I talk about it using the Brain Stoplight metaphor.
First we need to Regulate. We need to connect and get out of the red light state (my language) or our survival brain.
Then we need to connect in the emotional space. "It makes sense why you reacted that way. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having a hard time..." The point is to connect. This is the yellow light or the emotional brain. We need to speak to that next.
And then, and only then, are you and your child back to green light and can reason.
Regulate.
Relate.
Reason.
In that order.
This is how our brains work and how our children's brains work. Work with these ideas and see how it transforms your family's conflicts. Works for partners, too!
ETA: Image or information courtesy of Beacon House Therapeutic Services & Trauma Team | 2021 | www.beaconhouse.org.uk
