The Mane Tale

04/15/2025

🔥 Separation Anxiety: Your Horse Isn’t Being a Jerk
(They Just Know More About Survival Than You Do)

An Ode to Interspecies Partnership, Evolution, and Actually Knowing What You’re Doing...

Let’s begin with a radical reframe:

Your horse — yes, that horse, the one who just did a full Olympic spin because Daisy walked away — isn’t being dramatic, buddy sour, or herd-bound.

They’re responding with military-grade precision to millions of years of evolutionary programming not to die.

And when we try to “train it out of them” by visualising peace, holding our breath, and waiting for the horse to “choose connection”…..we’re not solving a problem. We’re outsourcing horsemanship to the universe and crossing our fingers.

That’s not training. That’s manifesting with a web halter.

🧠 Herd Behaviour: The Original Emergency Exit Strategy

Herd behaviour isn’t a phase. It’s not clinginess. It’s biology.

It's how prey animals stay alive by:
- Confusing predators
- Diluting risk
- Following fast and thinking later

It’s collective, chaotic, and deeply effective. And when you’re the one holding the lead rope, it’s also… rather terrifying😱.

So when your horse bolts back to Daisy like she’s carrying the last life-vest on the Titanic, they’re not being naughty.

They’re just running the most recently updated herd-survival software.

🐴 Your Horse Knows You’re Not a Horse (Thankfully)

You’re not part of the herd.
They know.
You know.
You don’t smell right.
You don’t move right.

And you wouldn’t last a day in the wild without a sunhat, 4 litres of water, a 3 protein bars and a portable espresso machine.

But here’s the genius:
Horses can learn to focus on us instead.
Not because we channel our inner alpha or brand ourselves as “conscious equestrian leaders.”

But because we prove — through skilled, repeated experiences — that we’re worth noticing.

⚓️ Becoming Their Anchor

Your job?

Become their:
-Sensory anchor — something familiar to orient to
-Emotional anchor — someone who stays calm when they are not sure
-Proprioceptive anchor — guidance they can follow with their body
-Environmental anchor — a stable point in a chaotic world

This isn’t woo. It’s not vibes. It’s trained trust.

They don’t follow your aura.They follow your consistency, timing, and clarity.

🩻 Pain Changes the Programming

If your horse is sore, tired, ulcer-y, hormonal, or simply “not feeling it” —their vulnerability goes up, and so does the risk of their herding instinct being triggered.

They might:
- Treat the arena like a war zone
- Assume the float is a hearse
- Stick to another horse like emotional duct tape
- Get “pushy,” “clingy,” or “annoying”

It’s not an attitude problem.
It’s a nervous system doing its job.

Before you crank up the pressure to “correct” the behaviour, ask:
“Is this a training issue — or a welfare issue in disguise?”

🎯 Training Isn’t Just Kindness. It’s Skill.

Let’s be real: kindness is lovely — but it’s not a strategy.

You need:
- Timing
- Feel
- The ability to release at the right micro-second

And enough self-awareness to stop blaming your horse for not understanding something you never taught clearly😬

Yes — some stress is part of learning.

The difference?
Bad stress shuts the horse down or freaks them out and they won't trust you.

Good stress builds resilience.

That’s not just feel.
That’s skillful handling under pressure.

Get it right, and your horse learns:
“I felt unsure. You stayed steady. Now I feel more confident.”

Get it wrong, and they learn:
“People are scary and unpredictable or make no sense.”
That’s not learning. That’s trauma in a halter.

⚖️ Balance, Not Bravado

You don’t need to be a guru, wear a cowboy hat, or be a barefoot empath who thinks your horse’s refusal to load is your fear of success in disguise.

You need to:
- Understand horses
- Interpret what you see
- Make informed, fair decisions — in real time

Because horsemanship isn’t about suppressing instinct. It’s about redirecting it, with skill and clarity.

You’re not a herd member.

You’re the one who says: “This way. You’re safe.”

🐴 Your Horse Isn’t Being a Jerk. They’re Being Honest.

Next time your horse panics at the gate, melts down in a clinic, or tries to emotionally reattach to their paddock mate at the cellular level…

Don’t call it disobedience.

Call it what it is:
A nervous system asking for something to trust.

Ask yourself:
- Have I prepared this horse, or just expected them to cope?
- Have I trained them to rely on me, or just hoped they would?
- Have I taught them to feel okay, or just demanded silence?

Separation anxiety isn’t a flaw - It’s a biological response to uncertainty.

And anchoring?

It’s not a vibe.
It’s a learnable skill.
Yours to teach.
Theirs to trust.

Final Note 📝

We’re not trying to be horses.
We’re not herd members.
We’re not enlightened spirit guides with a side hustle in nervous system healing.

We are:
- Interpreters
- Anchors
- Reliable, skilled decision-makers in a world that can overwhelm a horse's brain.

It’s not mystical.

It’s not macho.

It’s not a retreat, a ritual, or a weekend of vague breakthroughs and better selfies.

It’s real horsemanship — grounded, teachable, honourable.

You don’t need to be dominant. You don’t need to be brave.You just need to be worth following.

📢 Before You Go…

If this made you laugh, nod, or finally stop calling your horse "naughty" or blaming Daisy🌼— hit share, not copy/paste.
This is original work. Mine. Not plucked from a reel, not paraphrased from a guru, and definitely not up for grabs.
So if you're inspired? Great — credit it.

🎓 Want More? This is the warm-up. See the comments as there is more…

02/17/2025

ART OF THE COWGIRL 2025
Wickenburg, AZ
February 25 - March 1, 2025
(2) 5-day passes for sale (early bird pricing $320 for both)
PLEASE SHARE!!!!

11/19/2024

A fond memory with Dr Miller at UCDavis.

Enjoyed the UCDavis Horse Day recently with friends Martina Vogt, Dr. Robert Miller, Julie & Tom Atwood(behind the camera).

11/17/2024

Dearest friends and colleagues, we wanted to let you know that Dr. Miller passed away peacefully this morning at his home, surrounded by his family and holding onto the reins of his favorite mule. Horses were just one of his passions; he loved and lived life to the very fullest, up until the end, and he will be greatly missed. Thank you for your support and friendship, and please join us in ensuring his legacy continues. We will be announcing two equine memorial scholarships in his honor in the near future. With love, Debby, Mark, and Laurel

11/07/2023

This was something we used to do in our breeding & young horse development program at Atwood Ranch…but for a different purpose. If a mare was unsettled in her pasture or paddock & we were unable to rearrange the herds to give her emotional comfort, we would scatter poles haphazardly along the fence line where she was pacing. The connection between the feet & the mental state is powerful.

01/06/2023

Powerful & so true.

I see you out there, and I love you for every sacrifice you have made.
I've mentioned it before--I adore shooting elderly horses. Not so much for the actual horse--i love the grumpy dudes and dudettes who are stingey with their ears, of course--but my absolute adoration comes from the people behind every single grey hair. Every single dropped back. Every single ridge in a carefully managed foot.
I see you, old horse owners. I see the promise you made your old friend--that he'd never leave your side again, that he'd never have to worry about a next owner. That he'd never load on a trailer bound for the unknown.
I see the expense it takes in dollars and worry. The careful diet you obsess over, the careful turnout buddies and just the right pasture with the perfectly not-too-big rolling pit.
I see you beaming at your old horse--proud and happy they are still proud and happy, despite not having sat on their backs for sometimes decades.
I see you-sometimes barely scraping by with two horses, sometimes barely scraping by with one. I see what you've done--the bills you've paid month after month because your old friend is still happy to live.
I see the joy your old friend brings you when he tilts his head just this way, and the way he stands just inches from your hair-both of you breathing one another in.
I see your impending heartbreak for the day you may have to make that final decision. I see your internal struggle--is he happy? Is he ok? Am I keeping him around for him or me?
I see your tears thinking about that day, and the tears of joy reliving his youth.
To everyone with an old horse, I see you, and I respect and love you. 💕