07/17/2026
Words of wisdom on kindness in the everyday care of our equine partners.
Set it on mist.
I rode Quora up to the barn, dismounted and sent her into the wash stall. She turned around and waited for me to take off her bitless bridle before having a drink.
We have two water tubs right there, one with apple cider vinegar and one with electrolytes. She made herself her usual cocktail; several swallows of the electrolyte water, then the rest from the ACV water.
When she finished drinking I was already waiting for her with a towel. Her face is itchy after riding and she dives her head into me to receive the vigorous rub.
I took the saddle off, and reached for the big sponge. She prefers to be sponged off rather than hosed.
That doesn’t make sense to me because she loves going in the arena sprinklers when they are on, and in the summer afternoons when I come out to hose everyone off she is first in line.
But it doesn’t have to make sense to me to know that after rides, she prefers the sponge to the sprayer or the hose.
I picked up the hose to wet the sponge and noticed the nozzle was set on Mist.
I stopped and smiled.
My assistant, Becky, (who my horses refer to as Aunt Becky, or their Becky-Binky) had given Natilla a bath while I was riding Quora.
Natilla doesn’t like the feeling of water dripping over her eyes. I was going to write that she doesn’t like water being sprayed in her face, but it seemed too obvious. I mean, would YOU?
Natilla does like the feeling of the spray on her teeth and gums. If I put the hose on ‘Jet’ she’ll raise her upper lip and lines up her head so the full force hits her mouth. She’ll play in that happily.
But when washing her face she prefers it set to ‘Mist’, and she really likes it if the mist is followed closely by my hand wiping off the excess drips, and blocking water from going in her eyes. She seems to prefer that even to the sponge.
When spraying the top of her neck, she (and all my horses) are much happier if I take my other hand and gently push her ear forward so the spray doesn’t get in it.
She prefers the Mist setting for that spot, too.
Seeing the nozzle set on ‘Mist’ meant that Becky cared about how Natilla felt, and made a little change towards kindness rather than time-efficiency.
It’s such a small thing, but it made me smile big.
Tradition tells us there are a LOT of things horses have to ‘deal with’ in order to be ‘good, well-trained horses’.
And here’s the thing -
I can ask Natilla to stand quietly while I hose her face.
I can ask Quora to accept that I spray her instead of sponge her after rides.
It wouldn’t even be a big fuss. They may shift a few times as I tell them to ‘hold’ or put their heads down’ and get through it.
They know when I need them to do things they don’t prefer.
But their willingness to oblige doesn’t mean that I need to be rude as an every day practice.
I bet if we looked, we could find a long list of small things that our horses are quietly wanting to avoid, (even if it’s not a fight… and even if they quickly end up complying)... that we could change.
Small modifications that WE could make, simply to make their lives a little more pleasant.
For that reason alone.
I remember my mom brushing my hair to put it into pony tails when I was a kid. It hurt. It pulled my head back with each stroke. The pony tails were always a little too tight.
Did I survive? Yes.
Was it so bad? No.
But it sure could have been a lot more pleasant.
I dreaded that moment and always wondered why it had to be that way.
Next time you wash your own face, imagine someone shooting cold water at you and laughing (or yelling at you) when you pull away.
Notice how many preferences YOU have throughout the day, and imagine the person who cares about you the most in this life disregarding or dismissing them. Imagine they hear you, and they do it the way you don’t like, on purpose, for fear of ‘spoiling you’.
Some people will read this and think me way too ‘precious’.
Or will think of examples of how giving horses what they want will create unsafe monsters.
I'm OK with that.
Maybe to some people, kindness is always weakness
Maybe to some people, kindness is always giving away control.
I think we can teach horses how to accept things, and to not be afraid, and to even tolerate things… and to do things simply because we need them to do it… because life isn’t always pleasant.
Horses won’t always understand why we need them to stand still for a veterinary procedure, or why they can’t run back to the herd NOW simply because they really want to.
AND… we can still be kind, and sweet, and do as many little things as we can to make their lives more lovely and pleasant.
They see us and the choices we make.
In the end, it feels better to me to be kinder to them.
