09/20/2023
I’m going to let y’all in on a little secret…
Sometimes, I want to give up on farming.
Some days my family or my work requires so much of my emotional and physical energy that I almost have none left to spare for my animals. I always muster up the energy, because they rely on me.
I just want whoever else feels like this out there to know, you are not alone.
Some days, I wish I could come home and kick my shoes off and not worry if the hay is full, the feed is fed, or the waters emptied and refilled with fresh cool water.
Some days it’s just a lot. I do it anyway.
Some days Ava needs a mom who can lay down and watch movies all evening instead of a mom who asks her to feed chickens and rabbits while I wrestle the big buck goats out of the way with an armful of hay.
Sometimes, I feel like a failure. Especially when I lean in to my grief. I think about every chick that never saw a long life of laying eggs. I think of every goat that I somehow missed symptoms of an unknown illness that ultimately lead to their passing. I grieve every animal, big and small, that comes and goes from my farm. It’s a heavy burden some days.
Sometimes, I look at my bank account and go, are you plum crazy?! Because there’s no way this is a profitable measure… But God provides every time!
Sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel.
I can’t though! I’ve got a family who spends time together outside, caring for creatures who depend on us. I’ve got a child who is wise beyond her years in life lessons from a farm. I’ve got a hard-working man who spends his weekends helping fix fences, hauling hay and feed, and allowing me time to take a break.
Every life I’ve encountered during my time farming has blessed me beyond measure. I may not be the best at this, but we sure do our best.
The good days are great, and the bad days hurt. I won’t give up though. I’ve got a kid to teach that hard work does indeed pay off. It may not be now, but one day, I’ll look back and think it was all a job well done. You can’t beat the reward of a smile on your child’s face when she finally reaps the rewards of her hard work! This isn’t the life for everyone, but we won’t give up. 💛💛💛
