10/30/2014
Let us find John Denver's head!
****PLEASE SHARE THIS UNTIL THE HEIST MASTERMIND READS THE LETTER****
Dear John Denver Heist Mastermind,
I’m not here to judge. In fact, I think stealing John Denver’s head is a heist of punk rock magnitude (country folk in this case). If I had to guess, given the heist happened during a Halloween ball, there was probably alcohol involved. Sorry if it was a pint or two of Dude’s Brews that led to the decision. No, wait! You’re welcome! It was probably so exciting to leave the building, John Denver in hand, without even a peep from anybody!
I heard KBPI is offering [you] an opportunity to return the head “no questions asked.” That sounds like a sting operation if I’ve ever heard one; but, that’s just my opinion. If, for some reason, this offer from our local rock and roll deviants does not inspire returning the statue, I wanted to offer a more fruitful and sudsy offer. I would like to give you free beer for a year AND maintain your anonymity.
Why the hell would I offer this? Well, there are many reasons. I’ll try to explain.
First and foremost, I am doing this for my mother. John Denver and his music had an indescribably powerful influence on my mother. I know this because I was dragged to John Denver tribute bands as a kid *sigh*. She loved John Denver because he was a great musician, he was natural and unreserved, but, more importantly, he reminded her of her brother Dave. Dave was also a wild and free spirit and lived his life with the cadence of a great musical ballad. For creating a metaphysical medium for my mother to pay respect to her brother, John Denver was a major badass. Getting that statue back to its rightful owner would definitely win kudos with my mom (my punk a** could use some every once in a while).
More importantly, the offer needs to be enticing, or you’ll probably hoard the statue for life! After all, I would. Let me explain. Long before I began making beer, I was a thief too. I stole internet traffic from bankers and sold it right back to them. What was the biggest rule in maintaining my success? I told NOBODY what I was doing or how I was doing it. If you planned this heist with the very same rule, you probably aren’t worried about some chicken-s*** friend ratting you out. Therefore, I believe a juicy offer from our brewery would be much more enticing.
I would offer more than free beer for a year. Unfortunately, our brewery is only four years old and brews only three style of beer for distribution in Colorado. Never the less, I think Dank IPA, Ryeot Rye Ale and Leaves of Lemongrass Witbier will give you a similar satisfaction that comes with successfully lifting John Denver’s statue. What is the difference between the two decisions? Returning the statue and receiving free beer for a year is much less risky in the long run.
To redeem your FREE BEER FOR A YEAR, please return the John Denver statue to our brewpub (ask for Dad, Dude, Mom, Steve, Chris or Andy).
Dad & Dude’s Breweria
(303) 400-5699
6730 S. Cornerstar Way Suite D.
Aurora, CO 80016.
Cheers!
Mason “Dude” Hembree