06/14/2026
New life and heartbreak.
I was drinking my coffee on the porch when I heard the cry of a newborn goat. Marcialagoās due date was exactly today so I was pleased with what I was hearing. I quickly put on my boots, still dressed in my pjs and robe, and strolled to the goat paddock with my coffee in hand.
When I arrived, to my surprise, I saw a big beautiful black and white baby girl laying outside the goat shelter in the dirt while Marcia was inside the with 2 tiny other kids. I wasnāt too worried because it happens sometimes that the first kid might pop out somewhere unexpected but I swooped this baby up and brought her to her mama. I took a peek to see if it was a boy or girl and that when I saw the problem. This poor sweet baby was born with her intestines outside of her belly. I immediately knew this wasnāt going to end well as nothing can fix this except emergency surgery and even then the odds are extremely low.
I left the goat paddock with her and paced the yard racking my brain about what to do. Is she suffering? Sheās so weak. God what do I do?
Is she in pain? I want to take away her pain. God help me! I wanted to fix what I could in the moment. I knew I could do this quickly for her. Culling animals is one of the things that is unfortunately necessary in this lifestyle. I hate it but understand and know the purpose so I am able to do it when necessary.
I fully intended to do that for this baby and get this over quickly. But as I was about to go forward with it I heard almost audibly God tell me āStop! Youāre not meant to take her pain. That is my job and in my time.ā
And so I waited. I sat there for an hour on a milk crate next to the garden in my now dirty robe, with this dirty baby in my lap, I thought I could love the pain away and she would go quickly if I held and comforted her. But ultimately she kept crying out anytime I would move or make a noise. I wasnāt right for her. So I took her back to the goat barn, gently set her down and left. I was able to watch on the cameras and see that it didnāt take long for her to pass on her own. She was more peaceful and the stress was ultimately less for her out of my arms.
As hard as it was for me to walk away I knew it was the right decision. I couldnāt love or comfort the pain away, I was only prolonging it. I needed to completely remove myself.
Iāve been a Christian since I was young. I became a born again believer and follower of Christ in my early 20ās. Iāve known the Bible my entire life. But once I became a farmer many of the words in that book began to hit differently than before, I gained a new understanding of many things. God has spoken to me more through my work with the animals and the crops in the past 9 years than ever before in my adult walk with Him. Sometimes itās a small sweet message and others like this one hit deep.