06/09/2026
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WE GO
Good Morning from the farm! Y’all I am hoping for a smoother week to come than last week. Last week was tough on this old girl. Thank heavens this is therapy day lol.
It was the 10 month anniversary of Farmer Frye’s passing. Anniversary? Why call it that? I sure as hell didn’t feel like “celebrating” or throwing a party. I think this one struck a little harder because I could see and feel the changes happening on the farm and none of it included Farmer Frye and it just made me wish he were still here with me. But as I sat back last night reflecting on the week that was so emotional for me, I realized something. He IS here with me and guiding me every step of the way.
I hope no one thinks I’m nuts or sends the police for a wellness check on me after this but I truly believe in signs. You just have to be open to them and follow your heart. So here are the “signs” that Farmer Frye sent me last week and you can judge for yourself.
On the way home from our grandsons baseball game one night, I decided to turn on the CarPlay just to get rid of some of the noise in my head. It started buffering because I live in the country 🙄 and when I looked at the screen and read the song title “Hey Baby”, in my head I hear Farmer Frye’s voice saying those 2 little words-Hey Baby-the way he had said it 100 times a day to me-Hey Baby. I just smiled 🥹with a little lump in my throat and said, “Hey, Baby, what ya’ trying to tell me now?” Some times I get the answer with the very next song and other times it might take a couple of days before he “speaks” to me again.
I was sitting on the porch at the market taking a much needed break and honestly feeling like this farm was too much for me to handle without Farmer Frye. You know what I’m talking about? I think we have all had those days where our nerves, our hearts, our patience and just everything has been tested in one way or another and you just don’t know if you can go on as is. I was SPENT! Then a customer pulls up and shakes me out of it. But this was no ordinary customer-this is one who wants to buy the Karefree property and has now paid 2 visits to the farm to let me know that. For a split second, I thought is this what Farmer Frye had been trying to tell me? Sell the farm, make life easier and enjoy it. Or was he saying, “Get off your ass and show these people what I know you can do.”? The latter was more ‘us’ because anger and irritation fuels me more than anything to get things done especially when I get to prove people wrong.😝 He knew that better than anyone. So I believe he sent that customer in just to get under my skin and light that ‘spark’ that gets me moving.
I also spent some time this weekend with my best friend and her brother who are having a really hard time dealing with the loss of both of their parents. They lost their mother in July of 2023 and 6 months later in January 2024 they lost their father. They inherited their childhood home and were finally ready to start cleaning out the house and making it their own so I went over to help. Y’all that was tough! By the time I got there Sunday all the trips down memory lane had worn them down emotionally. The endless trips to the dumpster throwing away a lifetime of someone can be gut wrenching. You almost feel like you are throwing them away too and that’s a tough emotion to deal with. So I tried to help and be perky even though I was already going through an emotional week of my own. I did pretty well until we got to the last closet and that’s when I could feel the weight of their grief pressing in on me and my own grief starting to surface again. Then Karen (yes my best friend is named Karen too) hands me VHS tapes and one of the movie titles was ‘Jeffrey’. It almost took my breath away and I could hear him saying “Don’t let this be you, Baby.” I had to step outside for a second-I don’t think Karen realized how seeing that tape affected me-and I just looked up at the sky and said, “Thank you, Baby, that’s just what I needed to hear.”
There were many more moments throughout the week that he spoke to me or lead me in a certain direction. I share these moments with you because I want you to know the day to day struggles and joys. Maybe, in doing so, it helps someone going through the same situation or someone facing it in the near future. It it gets too morbid y’all just let me know.
I also want you all to know I’m no stronger than anyone else. It’s hard! It’s hard starting over at 57! It won’t be the first time I’ve had to start over in my life but hopefully it will be the last lol. It’s hard losing someone you love-the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. It’s hard not to spiral down a rabbit hole of grief that takes over everything. It just takes a willingness to work through the fear and pain. I didn’t do it all at once and am still a long way from being where I want to be but I will get there. And until then I take comfort in Farmer Frye still being here with me and “holding my hand” when I need it. I want to be that person that he saw inside of me and do all the things he knew I was capable of doing.
So today I’m choosing to focus on what is and what will be instead of what was and what could have been. That’s how I get through most days…
I hope this helps someone today.♥️
