08/08/2026
I have been physically assulted in two different relationships over the years. Both times I was completely dumbfounded. I never thought they would hurt me. I did not think they had that level of dark malice and violence in them.
I'm not going to mince words or be silent any longer. Especially living with the gut feeling I've had lately. The things I've gone through, my radar has become increasingly keen/aware.
The most recent was only a year and a half ago. December of 2024. Then only a month after physically assulting me (in my own barn) he passed by me on the road and asked for me to pick him up at O'Riellys. He was having truck problems and in a jam. I did not oblige. That was Jan 2025. That was at the end of the relationship. We were friends, colleagues for over 15+ yrs. I always respected him in so many ways. He was what I saw as one of the good ones. I fell hard after having some intial reservations at the beginning in 2023. He absolutely insisted on coming, helping me. And going to work for me that year. I was reassured in so many ways that my reservations were nothing to worry about. He respected me. And we really had fired on all cylinders. As well we became a heck of a team. He taught me so much. And helped build confidence in areas I needed it. I will always appreciate that. It seemed absolutely timely. In so many ways. Divinely appointed. Perhaps it was.
Lessons.
We had alot of great times. He did some really great things for us and our little ranch property. He helped me jump up another level in my shoeing practice. He is a phenomenal hand. At nearly anything he applies himself to. A brilliant engineer and builder. I believed in him with all my heart. And then some. We had amazing opportunities. Cool memories. Wonderful work days. What could be better in life than shoeing horses and riding c**ts with soneone who had grown to be your absolute bestie and sweetheart?!
However,
it could be brutal with alot of verbal and mental abuse. I did not see it at the time. I loved him dearly and fought hard for "us" thinking we'd just be in a tough spot. The hot/cold behavior was a nightmare to live out. My mistake was to keep letting him come back at the end. The last time I did he nearly broke my neck. And I believe it is in part why I am fighting the ankle issues I am. I was really crippled up after the assult. For a few weeks. As I was bloodied up and bruised. I had gravel embedded in my temple and hands. I fought an infection for a couple weeks in my hands and my wrists had taken a hell a beating. I already had neck issues. It didn't help that situation at all.
It was a most brutal thrashing. In my own barn I had opened up to him. Compounded with heartache, betrayals and devastating discoveries.
What set him off? My crime?
Asking for truth. Holding his phone. And ultimately protecting it in the altercation. Asking for honesty and he felt cornered. After months of complete nonsense and giving me the run around I couldn't take it anymore. I pleaded for what the actual was going on. I was not combative. I was a broken, contrite woman asking for the math to math. Holding his phone. And at certain point sitting in his truck. Like old days. Please talk to me.......please........
His image, his deception was more important to protect than my personal safety, history of a very long friendship/ professionally and then a what I thought was a valued significant partnership and love. How do you tackle someone you love from behind and thrash them brutally against the granite? Then when that does not get the accomplished result they wanted, they grab you by the neck and braid and try to break your neck as hard as they can as they thrash your head against the ground. I turned my head sideways to avoid breaking my nose. So the embedded gravel in my temple. My Hands, elbows, knees.
His knees in my ass and thigh. Stepping on me, my ankles as he did all this. I fought for all I was worth to not get turned over. This went on for many thrashings and minutes. At some point I could not take my neck being wrenched and thrashed. I screamed three times at the top of my lungs. After asking him repeatedly to please stop. Please.
Finally he staggered off of me and fell on his ass and sobbed.
The first words out of his mouth were "he couldn't get in anymore trouble. Please dont call the cops... "
Which was the last thing on my mind. I was absolutely mind blown. I staggered to my feet and then staggered to his truck and set his unblemished phone back in his truck. Guilt washed over me. I felt like this was my fault. Again. Like all the other things that I was blamed for at the end. I had never in the history of our relationship even looked at his phone. He would often set it in my purse. And have me keep it for him. Alot!!
I knew the old code. I never used it. Ever. And I certainly did not that day. I just held it. Asking for what was going on. He was constantly on my phone throughout our relationship. I never thought a thing of it. Little did I know the firestorm it would light by my action that day. Or the repercussions. And the fallout.
I payed this man well. He worked hard for me and my family. My mom took care of him like a son. We loved him and all of his family. We adored him. Even the hard parts. And I thought he did with us. I threw all in. Whatever we needed to do to pull the wagon called life together. And all that entailed in his past I was more than willing to pull. Unpack, whatever.
I thought it was the same for me with him. But as time went on I was blamed for so many things. I survived a pretty nasty ordeal at 17 years old at the hands of someone I trusted. I was r***d and had to fight my way out of a bad internship. I "mistakenly" shared that information with this man I loved. He used it against me and told me it was my fault. And the fact I had any relationships before "us" made me used goods. He was disgusted with me for something 25+ yrs ago I endured and lived through in an engagement I had. He was offended when finding old pics in old albums I had completely forgotten about. That was devastating. And in a sick way made me fight hard for my own honor. To prove myself. Worthy. 😑 ( I've only been in a few serious relationships. Just stating facts. No shame or pride. It is what it is. ).
His theory on "living together" was those relationships never do well later in marriage. Although he pushed 100% for it. I was in a losing battle, but the good times absolutely kept me invested. We could get through this. Right?! He often assured me yes.
And we did.
I've been very silent and private about that part of my life because of the shame that it carries.
And I kept our relationship very private. I wanted to give us time. And we both had a lot we'd been through. I had lost my Dad only a year before we got together. Time, truth and prayer are excellent crucibles to test a relationship. I didn't want to rush anything. I really respected his past and everything it entailed. I thought it was vise versa.
Let me tell you something. I refuse to walk in shame any longer. I refuse to tip toe through this journey of life any longer. I'm not here to please anyone. Or stand in the shadows.
If my story saves one woman.
Than it is worth to tell.
Because as the old saying is true, "Dead men tell no tales"....is absolutely correct.
I'm alive by the grace of God from what could have otherwise been.
A man I desperately loved, had come to cherish and do anything for..... tried to unalive me. We can blame demons, a bad season in his life, heat of the moment anger/rage.... I suppose me......but the fact remains he is 100% responsible for his actions regardless if he will be 100% accountable.
It has taken me this long to fully process what he did to me. Between shame and some kind of false loyalty.....
Be damned!!
The things I discovered in the aftermath and even the months and months following have been indeed mind blowing.
Orbits of different women. And the balls to full on bring another woman's c**t to my place he was seeing as he was acting as though he wanted to patch things up with me and come back to work for me. And had kept her( both of us) in the blind as an orbit and option. I guess cattle, land and inheritance talks.
And bull s**t walks.
I wasn't without fault in this relationship. I have cracks of my own. But I never abused him. I gave far, far too much. Didn't understand the signs given me. Just thought he was in a rough patch. As was I reeling from losingmy dad. And I will full own allowing him back into my life.
I tried my guts out. The level of investment. In all the ways.
Did I crack and get upset or disappointed. Yes. I wish times my delivery and timing on conversations and issues had of been better.
I have fought a lot of patterns from my past. I really thought this was different. I really thought this was a second chance for each of us at the time. And I was lead to believe that moving forward.
This was a very costly lesson. That could have cost me so much more.
I am here for a reason.
And if part of that reason to be a Momma Bear with a story that could save another. I will share it.
Never let a man show you who they really are and not believe them. Because you may not get a second chance.
Good men do not scream at you in front of their friends. They do not compare you to other women. EVER. ESPECIALLY their Exes. No matter the story you heard about her. Maybe she was crazy. Maybe he was the reason. ( Pro tip; always give the "crazy ex" the benifit of the doubt before the dude you are with. Because if its true, in time you'll know either way and spare yourself investment and heartache in that story if it's not. And the embarrassment. What they did to her, they will likely do to you. And worse.) Good men will not talk down to you, belittle you or call you names. Especially at your own kitchen table. They will not act verbally abusive or physically violent when you tell them "NO" for physical intamacy. No matter your reason.
Married or not.😐
Verbal abuse is not always curse words or foul language directed at you. It can be disguised as religious language, backhanded compliments, nasty statements or names you don't like to be called.
Using your stuff to help the other women. 🫤
Changing plans unexpectedly and blaming you for not accommodating it.
Dipping out. Then accuse you of jealousy. 😒
Good men do not cuss your own dad to your face. Then take his best shirts and jackets and wear them.
Good men do not lean on you to pay for their past. They handle their business and come clean.
Good men make mistakes. But they do not make you endure patterns of their tomfoolery and abuses.
Beware.
Because all the above sounds like how could you ever stay with that?!.....the shame others will try to inflict or you will beat yourself up with........these kind of men weave and lace amazing times and opportunities with the incredible betrayals and heartaches. You were programmed. This was less about love and more about access. Supply. And ways to regulate themselves through you.
You do not need to be "useful " to a good man. A good man will go out of the way for a woman he loves. He will absolutely exhibit a pattern of sacrifice without reminding you of why he does it.
Yes, be good partners to each other. Not prey and predator.
Own your part.
Realize that stalking and trying gain access to you through manipulating others to talk to you is a tactic on their part. Showing up at your clients or places of work is absolutely insane and unacceptable after a physical assult and break up.
Even low key stalking by any man is never dismissable. Regardless of the context or time. In a relationship or out.
Especially if they are already in another relationship. 🙄
Bad men will use your greatest talents and skills as well as your weaknesses to elevate and launch themselves, all the while you are left to pick up the pieces of your life in confusion and devastation of their sudden departures.
Then there is always a great excuse or crisis for them to need you. And come back. 😑
All of this happened and more in this particular relationship. 😓
My mistake was to not leave. He would not break up with me.
When I asked him where I stood. It was as clear as mud. I got in trouble for telling a client I thought we had. It took being physical assulted to know we were done.
Don't be that gal.
Some Broncos dont need to be saddled or rode. You have nothing to prove.
Lessons.
And dont ever make a man angle you or feel like you are in competition with another Woman. EVER.
Because it is a trap. To keep you hooked. And fighting to be the "better" woman. It keeps you proving your worth. And your faithfulness. Men who play victim use this tactic well. They destroy women in their past and tell you how victimized they are. They do this to manipulate you to perform and try harder... because the ex was so.....blah, blah, blah.....😔 Or so and so's wife is this or that......
I will full on high five, clap for, cheer on, hug, support any one of my exe's significant others. Power to them. Ask them. True story.
But don't you dare make us compete with each other.
There are no comparisons.
PERIOD.
Respect the woman. As we respect the man.
There are red flags and signs we sadly do not see because of the filter of our life experiences, training, formidable years. It takes touching that hot stove. Again. Saddling that bronc. Again. The first round wasn't your fault. But as soon as you see the pattern. Maybe change your game plan. Walk away. Maybe run.
LEARN.
I've just never been a runner. Call me stubborn and gritty. And I never backed down from a bad horse, soon enough. My fault learning that a little late in life. Indeed.
I do believe my story is critical to someone else's survival.
So I won't stand in the shadows any longer.
I so wish we could have had a different ending. One of integrity and honesty. Respect intact. I loved this guy on a absolute friends and person level beyond the romantic relationship we developed at the end. Devastating to have fall out on all spectrums.
I can take alot of things with honest communication.
But I can guarantee you I will never take another beating.
There is an old saying....."I can love a man, but I can also shoot one."
You better believe it honey.
I hope this man can change. I hope he truly has a come to Jesus as he claimed he had beforewe got together.
I get it. It comes in process. And I was part of his process. Not his person. I can accept that.
But the way it ended and the events that followed made it clear that there was never even respect? I sadly regret our ever meeting or our paths crossed. Thats been hard.
Was it all a lie? It is so hard to frame the past. To give it context when so much deception exists. And its a hella process to grieve.
I want to believe there is a good man in there. For the sake of so many things he claims to care about. But he has to confront those demons. Not another woman. Or anyone else.
He never made it right. But continued behavior that confirms he was very unstable, unsafe and harbors more rage, demons and deciet.
Forgiveness is one hella damn process.
Don't throw your life away for "hope" a man can change or get better. Or that they are working on themselves when they tell you, but it is all very different in action. And when the chips are down. And its not your job to teach him to be a better one. If he needs your "help" in basic human decency. Not your man.
Stop second guessing yourself.
Lies can't be covered and out run forever. They always catch up. Don't get caught in the cross fire. Don't. You have no idea what it costs you. Until it does.
Some men can not exist with out having to cast blame and disgrace on those around them. To elevate themselves.
There is so much more for you. But we all must make chess moves for our lives that seem best. Dont we? At the time. Better the future. Hindsight as they say is always 20/20.
You always think you are the exception. Until you are not.
I thought I was. It was so good. Until it wasn't.
If you ever think you could be in a bad deal or abusive relationship dynamic... Especially if you are constantly second guessing yourself. Do not isolate!! Check in regularly with friends and family. Have a strong support system. Get counseling. Keep talking!! If someone wont listen, find a new friend(s)!! Be open to what others see. Listen to the small voice. Your gut. Your intuition. Those are God given gifts. Don't let the fear of losing a guy keep you in something bad. A good man won't lose you. He will not risk behavior that could if he truely values you.
Let them lose you. Be wise about your exit. Move silently. Do whats right for you. Not the abuser.
What a hard lesson that has been. It is not you job to keep apologizing for their behavior.
Ever.
Take care of you.
The right man will never make certain demands of you or leverage you in any way. And cheating is NEVER ok. It was NOT your fault. Never justified. Sure, mistakes can be made. Not patterns. And sadly in this day and age it often accompanies a very dangerous and violent spirit. Beware of the slick tounged devils that hide themselves in the sweetest looking all around package. Religion dressed up.
Always ride a fast horse, keep your powder dry and your weapon handy.
Momma Bear over and out.❤️🐻
~JC
7-27-2026
“Abusers are often con artists and will coerce their victims into returning and returning and returning.”
