07/25/2026
😂😂 Please don’t read this while walking on the road. People might think you’ve escaped from somewhere! 🤣🤣
I’m about to tell you how my 2-week relationship ended after I chased this girl for almost 2 years. The way everything ended still confuses me till today. 😂
It happened on a Wednesday evening.
I was on my bed enjoying one of my favorite things in the world—watching wrestling and minding my business.
Suddenly, my phone rang…
It was my girlfriend.
I picked up, and she said,
Her: “Babe, I’m standing at the front gate of your compound.”
I laughed.
I honestly thought she was joking because she had promised to visit me many times before, but she never came.
Out of excitement, I rushed outside without even locking my room.
When I got to the gate…
Children of God…
She was actually there!
Standing so beautifully, smiling at me like someone that came to increase my blood pressure. 😂
I happily brought her inside, asked her to make herself comfortable, then rushed out to buy her a bottle of malt and meat pie.
When I came back, I handed them over to her.
As for me, I removed my belt, threw it carelessly on the bed, and relaxed with only my Arsenal jersey and boxer while we continued watching wrestling.
After a while, she gently touched my shoulder and leaned on me.
The man in me immediately woke up. 😂
I moved closer…
We started kissing…
Everything was going perfectly…
Then NEPA remembered my address.
PAAAM!!
Light disappeared.
Darkness everywhere.
I said,
Me: “Babe, please put on your phone torch.”
She started searching.
Her: “I can’t find my phone.”
I checked too.
Me: “Even mine, I don’t know where I kept it.”
At that point, I knew I had to behave like a responsible boyfriend.
I couldn’t allow my visitor to suffer because of darkness.
I decided to buy fuel so I could put on the generator and let her know I was a man of action. 😂
So I tried wearing my trousers first.
Luckily, I found them in the darkness.
But there was one serious problem…
My belt.
Anybody with a small waist knows that trousers without a belt can suddenly become a public embarrassment. 😂
Both of us started searching everywhere.
The room was hot…
We were searching blindly like two detectives that forgot their torch.
Then…
PLOP!
I heard something fall beside the bed.
I quickly crawled toward the sound.
I stretched out my hand…
Finally!
I grabbed it…
But immediately I touched it…
I froze.
It was cold…
Wet…
And strangely slippery…
I frowned.
Then I asked,
Me: “Babe… did your malt pour on the floor?”
Her: “No o! My malt didn’t spill.”
I squeezed it again.
Me: “Then why is my belt cold like it has been inside a fridge? It even feels slippery.”
She became curious.
Her: “Give me. Let me touch it.”
I handed it over.
She held it for about two seconds and said,
Her: “Babe… are you sure this thing is actually your belt?”
Before I could answer…
NEPA decided to return.
Children of God…
The light came back…
And there we were…
Both of us proudly holding one long black snake with our hands. 😂😂😂😂
The snake looked at us.
We looked at the snake.
For about one second…
Nobody moved.
Then all three of us panicked at the same time! 🤣🤣
We threw the snake away and ran out of that room like people competing for Olympic gold.
Even the snake looked confused, wondering why two human beings were disturbing its peaceful evening. 😂
The funniest part?
We ran so fast that none of us remembered the room was still open.
I didn’t stop to lock my house.
I didn’t stop to wear my belt.
I didn’t even stop to carry my phone.
My girlfriend disappeared in one direction…
I disappeared in another direction…
To this day, I honestly don’t know who ended the relationship.
All I know is that the snake became the new landlord of my room that night… because even ME, the owner of the house, did not have the courage to go back inside until the next morning. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Till today, Precious has never called me again.
Maybe she was scared of the snake…
Or maybe she concluded that before dating me, she should have first asked whether I lived alone…
…or with the entire Wildlife Association of Nigeria. 😂😂😂
