06/17/2026
Official Notice from Ferdinand, Director of Pond Operations
Ferdinand, newly promoted Director of Pond Operations, would like to extend his sincere gratitude to all concerned patrons for their overwhelming support regarding his well-being and rapid career advancement.
He is pleased to announce that, in recognition of this new leadership role, his first official assignment will involve overseeing enhanced military-style training operations beginning the evening of June 16, 2026, and continuing through Sunday afternoon, June 21, 2026.
During this time, the campus may experience intermittent loud “booms,” tactical activity, and other highly realistic training sounds designed to ensure maximum realism and minimum serenity.
Please be advised:
Loud noises may occur throughout the night
Training operations may continue until approximately 0100 or 1:00 AM.
Any startled wildlife is expected to report directly to the Pond Operations Office for debriefing and emotional support (services not guaranteed)
Ferdinand thanks you in advance for your patience, understanding, and continued cooperation as he transitions from aquatic oversight to full-scale operational awareness.
Signed,
Director Ferdinand
Pond Operations Division
“Maintaining calm waters… even during controlled chaos.”