08/22/2026
How I envisioned her long term recovery is far different than reality…
6 years ago when I learned about her dr*g use I was so naive and believed that one round of rehab would fix her. “Just get the substances out of her system and she will never make that mistake again.” Treating it as though the fent itself was the real issue not the emotional pain or the trauma.
9 treatment centers later, relapse after relapse…I was left hopeless, broken while drowning in grief and regret. Forced to finally accept it’s her journey and I am probably going to lose her to this. 💔
The acceptance of that painful reality is how “do what you can live with” was born and the crazy part is a short time later she came home to give recovery another go but this time without rehab. I never once thought “this is going to be the time she is finally done.” I focused on each day as if tomorrow didn’t exist.
Now going on 3 years later in recovery, still living in my home and my family the healthiest and happiest it’s ever been…not only is her recovery a long road but so is mine.
Years of fight or flight mode came crashing down in 2026. My body and mind finally gave me the middle finger and said “No more.” The exhaustion took over, and Anhedonia (the inability to to feel joy from things u once liked) Came out of nowhere. That’s when I stepped back from social media, podcasting, and speaking.
I finally get to the other side and was left feeling depressed. WTF?!?! I isolate myself more than ever, and have almost become an introvert.
I’ve ruled out biological causes, and thought for sure my mental health provider would put me on an antidepressant yet she didn’t.
To be filled with love and peace…yet feel empty. That’s my reality as the mom in this recovery journey . I think the crash was inevitable but my biggest fear is the guilt my daughter may carry seeing me like this when life is really the best it’s ever been.
So, if you are struggling with depression when there isn’t a reason to be depressed…it could just be your body saying “it’s time to finally rest and discover the new version of you after the chaos.” ❤️
