06/21/2026
BREAKING: Lancaster County Amish unveil the all new Tesla Barntruck. After years of research, development, and staring suspiciously at technology, local craftsmen have successfully built a fully wooden Cybertruck powered by one horsepower. Literally.
The vehicle features handcrafted oak body panels, wagon wheels rated for speeds up to "whoa there," and a revolutionary self-driving mode where the horse already knows where it's going. The range is unlimited as long as you stop every few hours for hay and passive-aggressive conversation.
Sources say Elon Musk was last seen frantically sketching blueprints after learning the Amish version can actually survive a Pennsylvania pothole. Unlike the real Cybertruck, this one can be repaired with a hammer, two cousins, and whatever lumber is left over from building a shed.
PennDOT has already classified it as both a motor vehicle and a historic structure.
Pennsylvania remains undefeated.