08/11/2026
Well, the great incubator s**tshow of 2026 has officially come to a close, and here we have it, ONE SINGLE CHICKEN.
One.
As if every decision regarding this hatch was decided by a racoon, this has been without a doubt a lesson in “think before you do, don’t incubate when your meds are off, and for gods sake take your Vyvanse.
These poor eggs were fighting for their lives before they even got here, shipping got delayed, my humidity spent 21 days bouncing around like it was day trading crypto, and just to really make things extra special and spicy, around day 10 I realized I put the eggs in upside down.
So yeah, our management team needs reconstruction. Oh wait, it’s just me, I’m fired.
We did have another chick start to hatch, but the poor thing got shrink-wrapped. I tried to help, but it was still bleeding, so I had to stop and give it time. I left to pick up my daughter, came home, and unfortunately it had passed, still mostly inside its shell.
That part sucked. There’s really no funny spin on it. Sometimes hatching is just fu***ng brutal.
But, against all odds, humidity issues, shipping delays, operator error, and whatever ancient poultry curse was apparently placed upon this incubator (I swear Brett, I know you cursed it)
ONE TINY BASTARD MADE IT.
And then we realized we had another problem.
What the hell do you do with one chicken?
I was not about to raise a single chick by itself and accidentally create some weird little homeschooled chicken that thinks I’m its mother and demands to sit at the dinner table and use cutlery. (And dude we eat chicken like 3 nights a week)
Luckily, we have a broody mama currently raising her own clutch, so we decided to see if she’d adopt our little orphan.We tucked the baby in with her and she basically went
“Oh yeah that’s totally mine”
(And because chickens are basically dumb asses and have no idea what they look like, this chicken who is a typical Welbar adopted baby Trump)
So now our lone survivor has a whole pile of BYM siblings, a mama to keep it warm, and most importantly an actual chicken to teach it how to chicken instead of me standing over a brooder going “LOOK. SCRATCH THE GROUND. LIKE THIS.”
My unhatched eggs have left a review:
“The 2026 Great Incubator Sh*tshow has been a disaster. 0/10 would not recommend. No stars, no cookies, no trophies”
But we got a happy ending! One chick made it, one mama got another baby without questioning a thing, and while some lessons were learned, my next batch of rare eggs arrive tomorrow. Thank God it’s not July, because July was awful, and I blame it on this all starting then.
