06/26/2023
plenty of times i’ve opened my notes or this caption box and i began to describe a recent week that has been particularly challenging or particularly memorable, repetitive as it may be and as typically as social media goes i’ve only expressed truly positive or “even though i’ve gotten 2 hours of sleep im doing great!” posts every weekend
this is really the hardest thing i’ve ever done, working for myself. i’m lucky to say that but i must acknowledge that i feel like i’m drowning absolutely all the time. i’ve always wanted to maintain a present conversation here and keep in touch personally, since this industry and my business is really so personal
i’ve lost insane amounts of sleep and i feel it’s effects every day. i’ve lost valuable time with my family or my friends, let others down to fulfill commitments, put my health and wellness and eating meals as my last priority, if its even a thought. i’ve been saved time and again by my friends and family who step in to help me when i’m desperate
it is so easyyyyy for me to blame everything on me - because everything is on me! every letter of every email (late or the rarity that it’s on time, or even frequent), every speck of flour, fold in the box, has been 100% done by me. i am proud of myself and then i black out if something even slightly goes wrong. it’s hard not to when i don’t remember what i did yesterday
like i said, plenty of times i’ve begun to type this. i do not want any interpretation of a complaint to come from this, just an explanation. i generally want to keep my thoughts to myself - one of the only things these days that i can keep for myself. even though i’ve taken many steps to prevent the bad things from happening again, as we all do, i know it could and i will learn from that too. it’s never just cake, it’s all of this
i’ve never struggled like i have right now but there’s something on pinterest that says that’s a good thing LOL
i framed this in october, it is the past and it is the future. i look back at time and i will look back at this time too
thank you for listening to me and for supporting the life i’ve always dreamed, even when it’s so damn hard. thank you thank you thank you