The Harmonious Horse & Rider

07/21/2026

So true!!

Disparaging Comment Translation Chart

We grew up on the Disney romantic movies, filling our heads with smooshy relationships between a woman and a horse. And yet, in arenas and barns everywhere, you can hear people fighting with horses and calling them names like toddlers in a spat over a favorite toy. Sometimes it’s hard to believe we love horses the way we do with the way we behave around them and talk about them.

The truth is, many of the things we say about our horses are actually telling on ourselves.

Now, before anyone writes me an angry email: genetics matter. Conformation matters. Pain matters. Management matters. Some horses genuinely have bigger challenges than others.

But… many of our favorite complaints are simply a creative way of avoiding the mirror.

It can be confusing to know what’s actually going on. Here are some helpful ways to find the real meaning behind those disparaging comments heard so often about our beloved equids.

“She’s so mareish and witchy.”

Translation: Her owner is tense, inconsistent, possibly moody and a little surprised that the horse has noticed.

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“He’s so lazy.”

Translation: He’s spent years carrying a rider who squeezes every stride, hangs on the reins, and has accidentally taught him (accurately) that all human movement and speech is just background noise.

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“He’s so uncoordinated and dopey.”

Translation: His owner has expected him to be balanced, educated, and athletic without giving him the elements of strength, proprioception, or time to get there.

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“She’s just so dramatic.”

Translation: She’s a 1,000-pound prey animal responding honestly to her environment. The drama may actually be coming from the primate sitting on top.

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“He just doesn’t respect me.”

Translation: The owner subscribes to a new program every Tuesday, the expectations are as confused as the owner, and the owner keeps calling confusion a character flaw.

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“He’s stubborn.”

Translation: The owner checks out for 75% of the session until something goes wrong, tries with maximum pressure and gives up in 2 seconds before any change happens. The owner is emotionally reactive and easily frustrated, and the horse learns to quit trying and outlast the owner.

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“He’s pushy.”

Translation: Somewhere along the way the owner confused being kind with having absolutely no personal space.

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“She’s naughty.”

Translation: Her person hasn’t looked closely enough for the reason, so the horse gets the label instead.

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Our horses spend an awful lot of time trying to understand us.

It seems only fair that we spend a little more time trying to understand them.

If this made you smile, laugh, or squirm a little, good. That means it worked. The next time we catch ourselves reaching for a label, maybe we should pause and ask a better question: what is the horse actually trying to tell us?

Because more often than not, the horse isn’t the problem.

The horse is the mirror.

07/12/2026

Yes..

07/09/2026

YES!

Why should a horse do anything you ask?

Why should a horse do anything you ask? Because you pay his board? Because you buy him treats? Because you love him?

He doesn’t know what money is. He doesn’t know you work hard to feed him. Those things matter to you—not to him.

Should he listen because you can tie him up, force him down, or work him until he gives in? If that’s the answer, then what you’ve created is obedience through coercion, not a willing partner.

All the horse knows is that he seeks balance and security. If you can’t offer him those things, why should he trust what you’re asking? If he doesn’t leave an interaction feeling better than when you found him, why would he want to be caught tomorrow?

Food is rewarding, but it doesn’t erase fear or compensate for a lack of balance.

The next time you find yourself mentally listing everything your horse should or shouldn’t be doing during a ride, stop and ask yourself one simple question:

Why should he do it?

If you can’t answer that question from the horse’s perspective, perhaps you’re asking the wrong thing—or asking the right thing at the wrong time.

04/08/2026

This!

04/08/2026

Thanks Anna! Right on!👍

Mindful Monday: Awareness starts with two nervous systems, not one.

When you’re with your horse, there are always at least two emotional states in the conversation:
yours and theirs.

Most people don’t really take either one into account.

They don’t slow down enough to notice how they feel.
They don’t slow down enough to notice how the horse feels.
And that means they definitely don’t slow down enough to wonder why either nervous system is where it is, or what might help shift it.

Often, I find that my lessons don't involve a lot of "heels down", "shoulders back", "half-halt".
Mostly, I'm aware of what we need to change so a session can go from; “meh” into wow, that felt wonderful and focusing on technical skills is often not the answer.
After all, are we asking horses to do things they don't know how to do?
No, we just want them to do the things when they are convenient for us.

But, we usually don't consider how our horse feels when we're asking them to do the things.
This makes us feel like we need more techniques, better aids, more IMPULSION 🤷
Instead, take the time to see how you and your horse are feeling before you jump into another confusing or frustrating session.
You don't need a therapist, a psychic, or an animal communicator to begin.

Try this:

Slow down.
Breathe in for 4.
Breathe out for 6.
Do that at least 3 times.

Then observe your horse.

Can you see or feel their breathing?
What does their eye look like?
Soft?
Worried?
Tired?
Tense?
Afraid?

Then say hello.
Ask them how they’re feeling.

And notice what comes up.

Maybe you feel it.
Maybe you picture it.
Maybe you hear something in your mind.
Maybe you just notice a shift.

Awareness doesn’t have to be dramatic.
It just has to be honest without judgement.
Our horses offer that to us, shouldn't we return the favor?