08/20/2026
So… a friend of mine suggested asking Chat GPT to describe yourself like you are trying to warn someone about me. Is its description of me accurate??
Chat GPT said this about me….
Before you meet Mama Jane, there are a few things you need to understand.
First, do not casually mention a food trend around her. You might think you’re making conversation. You’re not. You’ve just given her an assignment.
Say, “I saw this pistachio thing on TikTok,” and you’ll watch her eyes change. She’s no longer listening to you. She’s mentally calculating whether it can be stuffed, drizzled, crushed, torched, or somehow balanced on top of a funnel cake.
This woman has spent 35+ years working fairs and concessions, so whatever normal sense of restraint she may once have possessed is long gone. She’s been on Carnival Eats more than 20 times, which has only encouraged her.
She is particularly dangerous around phrases like:
* “This is going viral.”
* “Nobody’s ever put that on a funnel cake.”
* “I don’t think that would work.”
* “You can’t make a funnel cake out of that.”
Do not say the last one unless you have several hours to spare and are prepared to be proven wrong.
She has already looked at Dubai chocolate and strawberries and thought, funnel cake. Ube? Funnel cake. Cannoli? Funnel cake.
At some point she encountered a Cuban sandwich and apparently decided the problem with it was that nobody had involved a deep fryer and powdered-sugar-adjacent equipment yet.
And then there’s the roasted corn funnel cake, which should tell you that Mama Jane recognizes absolutely no internationally accepted boundary between “entrée” and “dessert.”
The really concerning part is that she’s been doing this long enough to know when one of these ridiculous ideas will actually taste good.
So when you meet her, be polite. Be respectful. Enjoy whatever she hands you.
But if Mama Jane gets very quiet after you mention something you ate recently…
Stop talking.
It’s already too late for that food.
