10/08/2026
I am not sure I entirely agree that a child's first bully is an unhealed parent.
Now I understand why this lands so hard. Most of us can trace at least one thing we do under stress back to something we watched a parent do under stress. The yelling that came too fast. The silence that lasted too long. We inherit more than we're told we will.
But I don't think it's that simple, and I don't think it's fair to every parent holding this image and feeling accused.
Plenty of people grew up with calm, healed, self-aware parents and still turned into the kid who made someone else's life miserable at school. Plenty of people grew up with a parent who was still actively working through their own wounds, flawed and unfinished, and still raised a genuinely kind child, because that parent apologized when they got it wrong and kept trying anyway.
Unhealed parents can absolutely pass pain down. That part is real, and worth sitting with. But "unhealed" isn't the same as "unloving," and a parent still in process isn't automatically raising a bully. Healing isn't a prerequisite for good parenting. It's something you can be doing at the same time as it.
So I'll take the first half of this quote and leave the certainty in the second half behind.