10/02/2025
🚨 Morning on the Farm: A Saga in Three Acts 🚨
Act I: The Great Escape
Yesterday the turkeys went full Houdini and hopped the fence… and then, in true turkey fashion, promptly forgot how to hop back in. They spent the night out in the wilderness, gobbling at the moon, while I lay in bed wondering if coyotes were having an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Act II: The Coup Coup Cat
This morning, I shuffle outside to feed animals, only to discover that Kam had locked our cat, Smokey, in the chicken coop all night. Smokey is now either staging a protest or declaring undying love — hard to tell — but he follows me everywhere, meowing at jet engine volume. Nothing says “farm life” like a cat heckling your every move.
Act III: Wrangle of the Dumbest Birds Alive
Now imagine me, half-awake, trying to herd panicked turkeys while Smokey shrieks underfoot. One turkey has made it back inside the yard, the others pace frantically outside the fence, gobbling like the world’s worst marching band.
They keep trying to FLY THROUGH THE SAME PATCH OF CHAIN LINK. Not over it. Not around it. Just… battering themselves against steel like feathered ping-pong balls.
In a flash of inspiration (or desperation), I grab a pitchfork and try to make a bridge for them. Do they use it? No. I add a branch. Do they use that? Also no. They look at my constructions like I’ve insulted their entire lineage and then go right back to slamming into the fence.
Finally, I cave and prop the fence up to make a hole. One turkey gets it. The other two watch their buddy go through… and then continue running headlong into solid metal. I try bribery with feed, and they poke their heads through the hole, not for the grain, but to peck at the dirt right next to it. After several minutes of this nonsense, they FINALLY figure it out.
Curtain Call: Smokey falls silent. Turkeys are corralled. Fence is patched. I’m questioning my life choices.
Epilogue: Tractor Supply and CAL Ranch have new baby birds in stock, and for the briefest moment I actually thought, “Maybe I should get more.” I am, without a doubt, my own worst enemy.
