06/09/2026
🎭 AS THE COOP TURNS 🎭
This episode takes place not in the barn, not in the chicken yard, and not in a swamp where I nearly became one with the mud...
No.
This tragedy unfolded at Dollar General.
I was shopping with my dad and my 6 year old daughter when we ran into a friend I've known since elementary school. He sees me heading toward the register and says...
"OH LOOK AT THIS OLD LADY!"
I stopped.
"What did you just call me?"
"You heard what I said."
Naturally, I turned to my father and informed him that I was being bullied by some random guy😏. Mind you, my dad loves this man and practically raised him alongside my brother.
Before anyone else could say a word, my 6 year old slowly turned and looked at him.
"Don't say that to my mom."
The man immediately threw his hands up.
"Whoa—"
But before he could finish...
My child rolled her eyes, looked him dead in the face, and dead pan said...
"I don't have the insurance for this."
Silence.
Then this grown man starts laughing so hard he spins in a complete circle in the middle of Dollar General checkout.
"That's the most gangster thing I've ever heard!" he declared.
Honestly, same... That's not a kid response. That's something a 45 year old mechanic says right before a fight breaks out. 🤣🤣🤣
He then informed my daughter that she was absolutely right and that nobody should be talking bad about her mom.
She did not care what he had to say at this point and walked to the other side of my father... as if to say "Sir, if this situation escalates, the resulting damages exceed the limits of my current policy." 🤣
Meanwhile, I'm standing there wondering when exactly my sweet little girl became a tiny mob boss.
The face.
The eye roll.
The delivery.
Perfection.
I fear I am not raising a child.
I am raising an enforcer.
Chris I don't know how you will ever recover from getting verbally checked by a first grader in the checkout line at Dollar General. 🤣🤣🤣
Tune in next time for another episode of As the Coop Turns, where apparently even a routine trip to Dollar General can result in witness intimidation.
