09/29/2026
Spoiler alert: this post has nothing to do with b**r. This post contains no Al images but sadly we wish the story wasn’t real...Please read to the end to hear the grim details...
Gary was working on some tasks the other day and asked us if it was OK if he work remote. Two Havens doesn’t have a taproom so anywhere you’re enjoying a Two Havens b**r is our taproom, so naturally we couldn’t be hypocritical and of course we let Gary work remote.
When we decided to check in on him for a status update and his reply was “Uh oh” with images shown we sadly knew he was off the wagon again...
We scrambled to think of ways to reel him in and expected Jeremy would be doing similar but only jsent him further into the depths as shown.
Although we aren’t too surprised with that...You see, it was quite a few years earlier where Jeremy, a transplant from the Midwest, had introduced us to Imos. With the rest of us being native New Yorkers, a pizza cut in squares, as well as containing a cheese that none of us had heard of before was foreign and quite frankly a little bit scary, but Jeremy set us at ease and asked that we at least “try a square” as it were.
And that’s when we ALL got hooked!
You see that cheese on those squares, Provel, was like nothing we’d ever had. A weird analogy but it was like M&Ms except it melted in your mouth AND your hand or even on your kitchen counter as its melting point is pretty much room temperature!
Most of us were able to ween ourselves from those sinful squares through various methods (you can’t quit it cold turkey- that’s for sure!): some of kept frozen wads of Provel and chewed it when needed and some of us kept full strips of bacon & (like on the classic Imos Bacon pizza) or pepperoni bedside to help us get through the night. But Gary apparently just couldn’t quit it hence his impromptu trip to the Midwest Mecca of Imos, St. Louis: he wanted the purest uncut Imos.
So after Jeremy further derailed matters, with quick action we rerouted Gary straight to IA! No not lowa, but Imos Anonymous! We wish him well; we know the journey will be long and arduous.
And with that we implore you Imo's Pizza , please send pies to Smithtown asap, while we wis
