11/05/2025
First of all hi, yes I’m still alive. Don’t have hip surgery… that’s all I’m gonna say about that. 😳
I would never get rid of my dogs, I’ve seen the way y’all act when people do that. Whew child. 🫣 It’s wild to me because I can eat my chickens, my cows, and even my pigs. Heck I could probably even eat my donkey and get away with it. But dogs are like a protected species or something. 🤷🏼♀️
Anyway I’m resting with my heating pad on my hip and I’ve got a few minutes to waste so let’s just do a hypothetical completely honest post of what it would look like if I did post an ad for these lovely creatures called man’s best friend.
Sadie Mae-
Sadie is a semi beautiful Newfoundland, well she used to be beautiful. That was before she contracted a skin infection from swimming in the pond. A skin infection that has cost us hundreds of dollars to fight in vet bills, steroids, antibiotics, and medicated shampoo. All because she runs away and goes and lays in the middle of the pond drinking it and refuses to get out. Speaking of running away… one of her favorite hobbies is waking me up at 4:30 in the morning and blending in with the dark, then running away and disappearing. Sometimes just to the chicken coop to eat chicken food, sometimes to the main road, and sometimes to never never land and doesn’t return for an hour. But her absolute favorite hobby is to eat anything and everything. Your dinner left on the table for 5 seconds? Gone. An entire loaf of toxic raisin bread? Oh yeah, she ate it. Your eggs on the kitchen counter, a whole bag of candy corn, underware, the entire trash can, and yes… even an Xbox controller. Consumed, not just chewed up. Literally everything she sees, she eats. Sadie also loves to save you when you are drowning. Except you aren’t drowning, you are just swimming. And she jumps on top of you, and then she starts drowning… and you start drowning. It’s kinda fun. The upside? She’s fiercely protective of her people, she would eat your face off if you tried to hurt me or the girls. But she wouldn’t even hurt a bug she’s so gentle. Also major bonus… she doesn’t p*e inside.
Biggs-
Biggs has no eyes, but it doesn’t slow her down a bit. In fact she’s become more of a ninja now than she ever was before. She’s old and blind, but she can still climb over the coffee table blocking the bottom of the stairs… climb the entire flight of stairs… and then climb the gate at the top of the stairs. What is she making this journey for you ask? Oh because her favorite pastime is going to p*e and p**p on the carpet. While she’s up there she also makes a few pitstops, she will drink all of the toilet bowl water, all of the cats water, and then get a little treat from the litter box. Once she is done she will then somehow climb back over the gate, down the stairs, and back over the coffee table. All completely unnoticed by everyone in the house. While carpet is her favorite place to relieve herself, she has no problem going anywhere and does so multiple times a day, no matter how many times you take her outside. The world is her potty. She also has been known to steal three dozen eggs and then vomit and have diarrhea all over our sectional couch completely ruining it. Twice a year her hair comes out in giant clumps and every part of the house is covered in it, from the floor to the ceiling. She is scared of guns, fireworks, thunder, and flyswatters. But she gives great snuggles and is very sweet!
Whiskey Lou-
Imagine the most energetic dog you have ever seen. Then imagine you have that dog some crack. That’s whiskeys energy level 24/7. She has no chill. Well, that’s not true. She will snuggle you. She’s actually the best dog snuggler I have ever had. But you open up the kennel door and it’s like letting a horse out at the races. She will knock you and anyone or anything else in her way down. She went through intense therapy, but she just cannot seem to shake her desire to kill any animal smaller than her. She spends her days standing at the front door or window watching the chickens just waiting for an opportunity to off another one. Sometimes she takes breaks from that and chases and taunts the cats. When she’s in her kennel at nighttime and a cat walks by she starts barking and trying so hard to get out that she moves her entire kennel across the room. Also don’t try making a delivery to my house, one of these days she’s going to break the glass door when she’s jumping on it trying to get the delivery people.
Yup. Mans best friend.
