Rinker Ranch

01/27/2018

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

01/01/2018

07/23/2017

Our guests here at the Rinker Ranch are very diverse.

07/23/2017

Horse back riding is another popular event here at the Rinker Ranch.

12/25/2015

One day a happy redneck young man runs home to his father saying "Father! Father! I've found the perfect girl, but she's a virgin". The father being very upset replies to his son "if she's not good enough for her family, she aint good enough for ours".

05/07/2015

04/19/2015

Did It hurt when you fell down the w***e tree and banged every guy on the way down?

04/17/2015

Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll.....or you're taking s**t from some as***le.

04/12/2015

Had a little bon fire here at the Rinker Ranch Friday night!

04/09/2015

One day the African chief's wife gave birth to a white child and the chief was absolutely stunned. He suspected some hanky panky and went to the white Jesuit missionary father and looked at him suspiciously.
"You have been having s*x with my wives," he accused the white father, who looked very uncomfortable. The Jesuit, tried to wriggle out of the difficult situation by trying to explain Mendel's laws of genetics to the wrathful black.
"You see that herd of sheep," he said pointing to the chief's herd, "Most of them are white; but you will also notice 2 black lambs among them."

"OK! OK!" said the chief. "You keep your mouth shut and so will I."

04/05/2015

B***s vs. Wi***es

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of b***s are there?'

The father, surprised, answers,

'Well, son, a woman goes through three Phases.
In her 20s, a woman's b***s are like melons, round and firm.
In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how Many kinds of 'wi***es' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through Three phases also.
In his 20s, his w***y is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.' :)