12/27/2023
I really hope and pray I never become like the medical staff I have encountered my last two visits as a patient that seem so uninterested in listening to the patient! And just given refills on meds or upping MGs until you feel nothing!!! I do not want to walk around like a zombie or robot…
***it’s a long post/rant so u may want to stop here if mental health struggles annoy you or you are one of those that tell people think differently or God can deliver you from that***
Bc I know my God can deliver me from this but I also know he gave me common since to know when to get help and gave medial knowledge to others to help me!!!
I have dealt with the mental health HELL FOR 13 years!!!!!
Through that I’ve lost 2 grand parents ( practically parents)
Moved out of my childhood home (the home I thought I’d raise my kids in)
Broke contact with my childhood est friend bc through grief I didn’t know how to deal and it left a lot of scars
In those years
I got married moved out of state
Got pregnant (had to come off all meds at that time for the safety of James)
Managed to stay of med for the remainder of nursing him.
Then we suffered a miscarriage after that I resumed meds.
Fast forward we moved 4 states/ over 9 hours away!
I got depressed even in my meds! Changed to some other stuff. Then when we started to try for TEAGEN I talked with my dr to make changes then that would be safe through out pregnancy and breastfeeding!
I was again great on that for several years.
Next came separation and divorce during that I also had to make some medication bc I no longer had insurance and had to find things that worked with more affordable options and didn’t require as frequent visits!
Last year I started dealing with much more anxiety and again had to make some changes!!!
All with seeing providers who showed compass and concern about the changes and figuring out what was gonna be best for ME! To keep me functioning as a mother! To keep me being able to be a Medical asst and have care when doing my job. To make sure I experienced as few side effects as possible.
Over the past 4 months I have learned so much about other forms of mental illness and how some things can mask or be mistaken as others and like many things with mental health treatment is trial and error!!!
Today I was shamed more than ever before by a provider and her MA!
With statements like why do u need to pull up your app to know the name of your meditation, you don’t know what you take?
-no I don’t because
1. In the past 3 month I have been given Paroxetine, duloxetine, fluoxetine (which I haven’t taken in 5 years) but literally have all 3 in my house with current RXs to them!
2. Bc I hear other people talk about there meds on the daily! And as u can see the names of these meds are close
3. Bc of honestly I feel like some days I don’t even know left from right bc my mind in so swamped with just stuff!
Then the PA had the audacity to say to me I told you last time to see a psychiatrist! And we would control the medications from that!
Yeas I know I have called 16 offices 3 of which my insurance provider told were were covered individuals! For all to say we don’t take your insurance!
The cheapest eval appt is over $100.
Yes I get $100 is pocket change to many! But out hours for the end of Nov and Dec have been so short. I didn’t have the money to pay Decembers rent.
You know how much I contributed to my kids Christmas??? The candy for their stocking that came off of my food stamps!!!
is not here for a hand out of money if any amount bc I have it set up to be taken care of bc Jan work will be full schedule and we will be back on track@
It’s just a simple point $100 is much more to me than the one sitting in that seat today!!!
Lord I simply ask that you allow my trials of mental health be a full testimony of who you are!
I pray that it shines light on someone else’s suffering and lets them know no matter how hard the day or night you will bring Joy in the morning, even if it’s several mornings away!!!
And Lord I pray most that you keep me in an office working for a God fearing medical provider and that he nor I never down play a personal feelings,emotions or state of mind! And I ask that no matter how busy my day may look on a calendar that you allow time to hear that person out! And that I may NEVER have a person leave my office the way I left feeling today!!!
~AMEM~
