20/09/2026
Four years ago, I was in a relationship, and I once spoke to someone I respected about the fact that I knew my then-boyfriend was cheaating.
The person gave me an analogy that I still remember till today. He said, “If a bunch of palm fruits is on the ground, everybody can come and pick from it. But when the real owner comes and carries the remaining bunch, then you know who the owner is.”
Basically, he was telling me that other women could come and “pick” from the man, but the woman he eventually settled down with was the one who truly owned him.
Today, I honestly get angry when I remember that conversation. I could almost hiit that person on the head. 😠
Because how do you tell a young girl who is already hurting over a cheaating man something like that? You are indirectly teaching her to stay and endure, because one day he may finally choose her.
No.
As women, we need to value ourselves enough to understand that being chosen at the end does not make the journey acceptable.
You don't become more valuable because a man who was sleeeping around while he was with you eventually married you.
And please, don't let anybody convince you that other women coming into your relationship is just part of the process of finding out who the “real owner” is.🙄
You are not waiting for ownership.
You are a human being deserving of love, respect, honesty and peace.
I started thinking about this because of the recent trending conversation about a black app celebrity and her soon-to-be husband, with women coming out to talk about their alleged affairs with him even while he was engaged to her.
Whatever the truth of those individual claims may be, one thing it has made me think about is how easily women are taught to tolerate things they should question simply because they hope to be the woman he eventually settles down with.
Ladies, don't measure your worth by whether a man finally chooses you.
Value yourself enough to ask what kind of treatment you are accepting while waiting to be chosen.
