Fancy Farm Wife Mercantile

10/10/2026

10/09/2026

🥩🐄 LET’S TALK ABOUT WHERE YOUR BEEF COMES FROM, FOLKS!

You don’t want to be buying your beef all the way from ARGENTINA when you’ve got good, locally farm-raised beef right here in Raymond, Ohio!

I mean, do you even KNOW those cows? Have you met their families? Who’s supervising that operation?! 🤨

Because here at Fancy Farm Wife Mercantile, you’ve got ME, TUCKER, overseeing the ENTIRE operation!

I keep an eye on everything around here. No funny business, no shady dealings, and absolutely NO suspicious cow activity on my watch! 🐐👀

Our beef is raised right here on our family farm in Raymond, Ohio, where you know where your food comes from and who’s raising it.

And when you buy local, you’re helping keep MY Mom and Dad in business, supporting our family farm, and helping our wonderful friends at Great Black Swamp Brewing!

Plus, somebody’s gotta pay for my bottles, snacks, and poker night refreshments. And apparently that somebody is Mom and Dad. 🍼😂

📍 Great Black Swamp Brewing – Toledo, Ohio

📅 TONIGHT, FRIDAY, OCTOBER 9

⏰ 7:00–9:00 PM

🥩 Meat featuring our very own Fancy Farm Wife farm-raised beef!

So get yourselves out there tonight! Enjoy some great brews, support some great people, and maybe take home some delicious locally raised meat!

BUY LOCAL. KNOW YOUR FARMER. KNOW YOUR BEEF. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY… KNOW YOUR GOAT! 🐐❤️

Love,
Tucker 🐐
Chief Farm Supervisor, Beef Quality Inspector (Self-Appointed), Bottle Connoisseur & Friday Night Poker Host

10/06/2026

🐐 TUCKER UPDATE 🐐

Well, folks… Dad is FINALLY back from his travels far and wide. 🌎🚛 I was starting to wonder if he remembered he lived here.

But wouldn’t you know it, as soon as Dad gets home, he turns around and takes MY MOM on a haul! 😒

And do you know what happened while she was gone?

I MISSED A BOTTLE. 🍼

Yes. Me. Tucker. Missed. A. Bottle.

I would like that officially documented.

Thankfully, Mom came home and made it up to me, so I have decided not to contact the authorities at this time. 😂

Around the farm, all the calves are doing great! 🐮❤️ Everybody is growing and keeping us busy, but we are STILL waiting on Fiona to have her baby. Come on, Fiona… some of us have things to do!

Speaking of things to do, I’m busy preparing for FRIDAY NIGHT’S FESTIVITIES because it’s MEAT RAFFLE WEEK! 🥩🎟️🍺

📅 Friday, October 9
📍 Great Black Swamp Brewing — Toledo

I’m not exactly sure who all is coming to Poker Night, but I’m hoping EVERYBODY comes out and supports Mom & Dad and the great folks at Great Black Swamp Brewing!

Good people, good fun, and MEAT. Honestly, I don’t know what else you people need. 🐐😂

So get yourselves to Toledo Friday night!

Until next time,
Tucker 🐐
Bottle Inspector • Calf Watch Supervisor • Meat Raffle Promotional Director

09/30/2026

🐐👑 TUCKER MINI UPDATE: IT’S OFFICIAL! 🎀🐮

While surveying my kingdom today, I was finally able to confirm some VERY important farm business…

Ruthie is, in fact, a GIRL! 💕

Now, Mom might have bribed Tilly with a little sweet mix so we could get a good enough look to be absolutely sure. 😂 But that’s beside the point.

As Chief Farm Supervisor, I can officially report:

🎀 RUTHIE IS A HEIFER! 🎀

Case closed. Kingdom surveyed. Sweet mix well spent.

— Tucker 🐐👑

09/28/2026

🐐 TUCKER’S WEEKEND UPDATE: DAD LEFT TOWN & EVERYTHING FELL ON ME 🐐

Well friends, I don’t know who approved this, but Dad packed up the trailer and LEFT. 😳

He traveled ALLLLL the way to New Hampshire, picking up sheep, dropping them off, picking up Randall Lineback cattle—which Mom says are a historic breed and apparently that makes them very important—and hauling everybody where they needed to go.

Meanwhile, back at Fancy Farm Wife…

I WAS LEFT IN CHARGE.

Do you have ANY idea how exhausting it is being the only responsible male on this farm?? 🙄

First, I had to watch Mom. That’s basically a full-time position by itself. Every time I turned around she was checking a cow, moving something, feeding somebody or coming up with another idea.

Then I had to watch my sister.

THEN we had guests come for a farm tour, so naturally I had to handle public relations. I greeted my fans, supervised the tour and made sure everyone understood who actually runs this place. 😎

And somewhere in between all of that, I continued negotiations for my NEW TRAMPOLINE.

Management claims we “don’t need another trampoline.”

I respectfully disagree.

I have submitted my request verbally approximately 437 times and will continue negotiations until my demands are met. 😂

We’re ALSO still on calf watch waiting for the LAST baby to make an appearance. I check regularly because apparently the cows don’t understand we have a schedule around here.

Thankfully, Ruth, Sarah and Simon Peter are all doing great. ❤️🐮

Dad finally made it home and—despite being left under extremely questionable staffing conditions—the farm survived.

The cows are good.
The humans are accounted for.
The guests were entertained.
Mom was successfully supervised.

You’re welcome, Dad.

Now that we’ve settled that…

WHERE. IS. MY. TRAMPOLINE? 🤨🐐

— Tucker
Acting Farm Manager • Mom Supervisor • Tour Guide • Calf-Watch Specialist • Chief Trampoline Negotiator
Fancy Farm Wife ❤️

🚨🐐 TRAMPOLINE UPDATE! 🐐🚨

BREAKING NEWS: Mom secured me another trampoline! 🙌

And get this… she sent the lady a picture of MY FACE, and apparently the woman couldn’t handle this level of cuteness. 😂 She knocked $5 off the price just because I’m so adorable!

FINALLY, my face is contributing financially to this farm. 😎💰

Negotiations: SUCCESSFUL.
Trampoline: SECURED.
Tucker’s cuteness: PRICELESS. 🐐❤️

09/21/2026

🐐🎰 TUCKER’S FARM REPORT: Poker, Babies & Barnyard Drama 🎰🐐

Well folks, poker night went GREAT. 😎 I won, obviously. Again. At this point, I’m not sure why everybody keeps agreeing to play with me. 🃏💰

Mr. T stopped by, but the poor guy couldn’t keep his head in the game. Apparently the ladies have been on his case, especially Savannah. And now we know why… 👀😂

🐮💕 Savannah had her calf Sunday morning!

IT’S A GIRL! 🎀 And Mom and Dad named her Sarah. ❤️

Little Sarah joins her half-brother Simon Peter and her half-sister Ruth… well, we’re almost positive Ruth is a girl. 🤣 Tilly is still being completely PSYCHO and Mom hasn’t been able to get close enough to confirm it without risking her life. So for now—we’re going with Ruth. 😂

And before anybody asks, YES, I was there for Sarah’s birth. I take my responsibilities as Farm Supervisor, Maternity Ward Manager, Poker Champion and General Keeper of Everyone’s Business very seriously.

But don’t worry…

I made it back in time for my bottle. 🍼🐐

I have priorities.

Welcome to the Fancy Farm, Sarah! 🎀🐮❤️

— Tucker
Farm Supervisor • Professional Busybody • Undefeated Poker Legend 🐐♠️♥️♣️♦️

09/14/2026

🐐🥩🍺 TUCKER HERE WITH AN IMPORTANT FRIDAY NIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT! 🍺🥩🐐

Okay, friends, Friday night is MEAT RAFFLE NIGHT at Great Black Swamp Brewing in Toledo! 🎉

Now, before anybody gets too excited about coming to see me, I need to clear something up…

I will NOT be attending the meat raffle. Apparently Mom and Dad need somebody responsible to stay home and supervise the farm while THEY go have all the fun. Obviously, they chose me. 😎🐐

And honestly, I already have plans.

POKER NIGHT IS STILL ON. 🃏

I’m hoping Mr. T makes it back for a few hands. I figure he can bring the ci**rs, play some cards, and maybe—while he’s here—actually take a minute to look at his TWO new babies. 😂 I’ve been handling calf checks, birth supervision, security and general farm management while he’s been away, so it seems like the least he could do.

As for the babies, I’m putting Candace on babysitting duty.

Somebody has to keep an eye on those two little Highland calves while Skye and Tilly get a break, and I think Candace needs the experience. Mom says Candace is absolutely NOT supposed to ever become a mother herself, but you know how things go around this farm. 😂 I figure she might as well learn some childcare skills… just in case.

So while Mom and Dad are at Great Black Swamp Brewing running the meat raffle, I’ll be back here holding down the fort, supervising Candace, checking on the babies and hopefully taking some money off Mr. T at the poker table. 🃏💰🐂

But just because I’m staying home doesn’t mean YOU should!

🥩🍺 Head to Great Black Swamp Brewing Friday night for the meat raffle!

It’s always a great time, Great Black Swamp has wonderful brews, and the meat comes straight from our farm.

And even though I won’t personally be there, I want everyone to know that I still take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE QUALITY OF THAT MEAT. 🐐🥩

I inspected the operation before Mom and Dad left. They have their assignment.

I have mine.

They handle the meat raffle.

Candace handles the babies.

Mr. T brings the ci**rs.

And I run the farm. 😎🐐🃏

Have fun Friday night, everybody! I’ll be home making sure this place doesn’t fall apart without Mom and Dad.

❤️ Tucker
Farm Supervisor • Calf Checker • Poker Night Organizer • Babysitter Supervisor • Meat Quality Control

09/14/2026

🐐🚨 TUCKER ANNOUNCEMENT: MATERNITY WARD UPDATE 🚨🐐

Apparently I had to run the entire maternity ward today because Mom and Dad had other things to do.

While they were at church, I personally supervised Skye and helped deliver her brand-new bull calf, Simon Peter. You’re welcome. 💙🐮

Then tonight, while Mom and Dad were inside lounging around like they had somehow earned the evening off, I was back on duty. Tilly decided it was her turn, so naturally I had to help deliver her baby too.

We do not know yet if Tilly’s baby is a boy or a girl because Tilly has entered full psycho mama mode, and nobody is brave enough to investigate too closely tonight. We’ll handle that tomorrow.

The important part is that Mom finally let me out of segregation, and I’ve been running the big field again, slipping in and out and checking on all my girls like the responsible farm manager I am.

And really, it’s a good thing she did.

Because I think we all know the truth…

These babies probably would not have been born today without me.

Two calves in one day under my supervision.

I’m exhausted.

— Tucker
Head Midwife
Calving Supervisor
Assistant Farm Manager
And apparently the only one around here who actually works 🐐😂

09/12/2026

🐐 TUCKER UPDATE: THE BIG FIELD EXPERIMENT 🐐

Well, everybody… I DID IT! I spent my very first night out in the big field like a real grown-up goat! 🎉

I slept in the barn with Charlie and Candace, and I was generous enough to share my new accommodations with them. They seemed to enjoy having me around. Obviously. 😌

Then today, I spent the ENTIRE day in the big field like a big boy while Mom and Dad were off helping serve food at the Harding County Fair. Mom was nervous, but I handled myself perfectly.

Well… almost.

When Mom and Dad got home, they went out to check the Highlands to see if any babies had been born. And since everyone knows checking for new calves is actually MY responsibility, I felt it was necessary to go check for myself.

So I slipped right through the fence.

Exactly like Mom said I could. 🤦‍♀️😂

Apparently proving Mom right was not the goal of this little experiment.

So now, until Mom gets the fence more Tucker-proof, I have been demoted back to my little enclosure. I personally think this is completely unfair considering I was simply performing my farm-management duties.

But don’t worry—I got a taste of freedom, and I WILL be back. 😎🐐

Love,
Tucker
Big Field Graduate… temporarily on probation 😂❤️